Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 05/13

Foy – He’s a jerk… He deserves the right hand of McCloud
Bentley – The right hand of McCloud knows a lot about jerks

Bentley – All his two inches…
Burke – Hey it’s not about the size…
Evee – Well… Scientifically you need at least four inches to penetrate
Foy – … What?
Bentley – McClouds like “what I’ve been doing that wrong?”

Bentley – McClouds fortune cookie says:
Sometimes you have to flush the toilet to get rid of the shit

Quotes 04/29

Evee – (After reading the quote from Bentley) I didn’t have much to go on last week…
Burke – write that down
Bentley – Hey I get a Benny for the dig
Burke – only if we vote for it

(After rolling a thirteen to hit an ogre)
Burke – If a thirteen doesn’t hot that thing… We’re turning around and going home…

(Evee intimidates the ogre with a mighty roar)
Bentley – Okay so you intimidated… What do you say… Oh I guess you roared. So you’re speaking CATonese.

Burke – Too bad Cid isn’t here because then he could suck his……… Power… Lower the trait

Evee – Dirty man… Go take a bath
Foy – What makes you think I need a bath?
Bentley – The 86 pounds of dust

Bentley – Everyone roll a smarts…
Burke – Oh I got a 16
Evee – I got a 22
Burke – (to McCloud)… What did you get?
Foy – Nothing…
Evee – that’s surprising (sarcastically)

Burke – McCloudy with a chance of rain

Bentley – Kimi trips
Foy – Maybe she was proclaiming her love for McCloud…
Bentley – It wouldn’t take that long

Knockers and Pistols
Quotes 04/15

(Asking about the white elephant inn)
Evee – Is it indoor or out?
Bentley – So… Is it outdoor in or indoor out?

Everyone – Touche

(Jokes about making water between Burke, Cid and Evee)

Everyone – touche!

Bentley – Okay. Come any time!
Burke – No that’s him… (Points to McCloud)
Evee – Eww…

Evee – So you cut off his hand?
Foy – Will you lay off my genitalia?
Evee – Is your genitalia in your hand?
Burke – It’s McCloud so probably
Evee – I think eventually he’d get… Grope burn

Foy – Knockers and pistols… That’s the name of this episode


Bentley – It’s the ring masters wife
Cid – Did you pull off the mask
Evee – It’s old man Jenkins?!

Burke – Is there a big knocker on the door
Evee – Some big knockers answer the door…
Bentley – McCloud will be the judge of that?
Evee – That knocker big enough for you McCloud?

Bentley – You feel like it’s coming from this area… (Points to a barrel)
Evee – McCloud go check out the barrel…
Burke – Yeah McCloud knows all about barrels
Cid – In and out..

Bentley – You open the door to an evil clown with claws
Cid – I’m going to stab him with my bayonet (rolls 34 points off damage)
Bentley – Yeah he’s dead
Evee – Somebody really doesn’t like clowns
Burke – The door opens and he lets out a high pitch squeal
Cid – That’s probably how I would actually react

Bentley – It’s your standard ghouls in a clown suit
Cid – Ghouls in a clown suit… Two cents?

Bentley and Foy – Stop clowning around!

Evee – Next week we’re gonna wonder why we have so many clown jokes… McClown…

Cid – I’m gonna cast barrier
Bentley – You’re gonna keep the clowns in the closet?
Cid – Yeah I’m clown shaming

Evee – You’ve got the clown… I’m not gonna do that
Bentley – You don’t hear that everyday

Quotes 03/25

Bentley – She comes up crying with get head down and hood up…
Evee – What you do to her (to McCloud)?
Cid – What I always do…

Foy – I just want to tell you ladies… Don’t be jealous. There’s plenty of McCloud to go around
Evee – I’ll be sure to let sparkleface know that…

Bentley – She sees sparkleface and says “this ones pretty can I ride this one”
McCloud – No…
Evee – Only McCloud knows how to ride her right
Cid – He’s got a special saddle

Foy – We can just put him in a dress… Burke – Here’s the bearded lady
Evee – He’s still wearing his coon cap
Cid – I’m just a bearded man..
Burke – In a dress

Cid – Cake and eggs
Evee – Cake and eggs? Yum
Foy -  Maybe if you were pregnant
Burke – … Are you pregnant? (To McCloud)
Bentley – Not again…

Quotes 03/18

March 18

Burke – If we couldn’t laugh at bad jokes…
Bentley – Yeah… Hey!

Burke – Give them some hand… (McCloud shoots a look at Burke) Isn’t it the right hand of McCloud?
Bentley – More like the wrong hand

Bentley – Just remember that
Foy – Remember what?
Bentley – Remember what you said
Foy – What did I say?
Bentley – You should know
Burke – How is he supposed to remember if you don’t tell him.
Evee – he already forgot

Evee – I’m waiting for her to turn into a creature from blade 3
Burke – Yeah she’ll want to reward you… Chomp
Foy – …Kimi. I need you to heal me again…

Burke – The dead doesn’t run very fast
Foy – Hey…
Evee – Don’t talk about his girlfriend that way
Foy – That’s right
Burke – Yeah… Necrophile. Does she rattle when you…
Foy – It just sounds like you’re jealous
Evee – Sparkleface is going to be…

Quotes 02/18

Bentley – You hear whimpering in the corner
Cid – Stop whimpering McCloud

Bentley – The Dragon snaps at you and misses
Burke – Lucky him… The Dragon I mean
Evee – Yeah he probably tastes awful

Burke – McCloud stop shaking the dragons!

Foy – don’t write that down!
Evee – You can’t blame me for the choices you guy make
Bentley – write that down

Cid – It’s not that big
Evee – That’s what she said

Cid – Clint knows how to ignore women
Everyone – Ohhh
Cid – Zing!

Evee – (to Cid) Hopefully he gets the idea
Cid – These cultists are getting naked!
Burke – McCloud is like “About time!”
Foy – This is my kind of cult

Cid – I wanna go for a ride!
Never ending story! (Sings)

Evee – So his name is Balthor
Foy – No it’s Sparkletail

Quotes 02/11

Bentley – Okay… And this guy…
Cid – Explodes

Bentley – Roll a notice at minus 4
Foy – No… That’s a critical failure
Burke – We peak in at McCloud and he’s flailed out and snoring

Bentley – You wake up being strangled
Burke – That’s not the first time

Cid – I cast barrier
Burke – Ooh. So he summons a bear…
Evee – Suddenly I start disappearing and reappear with Cid as a bear… Wha?

Burke – Go ahead lick that wall
Evee & Foy – Eww
Burke – It’s like Willy wanka
Evee – It tastes like scnozberries

Foy – I’m going to pull out my pistol (makes zipper noise) zzzz
Evee – Hey that’s not your pistol put that away!
Burke – It’s more like a deringer

Foy – I’m gonna finish this guy off…
(Burke snickers)
Foy – With the right hand of McCloud

Evee – Oh he shot prematurely…
Cid – McCloud recognizes that move
Bentley – Sounds like a McCloud move
Burke – McCloud is teaching all the bad guys

Foy – I’m gonna go join the other group
Evee – Nah you’d miss us…
Bentley – He comes back three minutes later… “They sent me back”

Quotes 02/06


Evee – I’m not writing bull cheese down…
Bentley – That’s a quote! Now you have to… The irony

Bentley – He says hello back in broken English
Evee – So he says herro?

Cid – I could play the critically fail card
But you helped me succeed
(Sarcastically demonstrating a critical failure) I’m sneaking in I’m sneaking in I made it!

Bentley – (to Clint) Your persuasion has gone down
Burke – I’m not sure what that’ll do…
Evee – Suddenly you’re just a little less likable… He just grew a wart on his face
Burke – No now he sounds like Mickey Mouse

Foy – Everybody’s about to get the right hand of McCloud
Evee – Eww..
Burke – You hear everybody unzipping
Evee – You washed that hand right? Eww why is it all sticky?

Foy – Now prepare for my left hand
Evee – Eww…
Burke – Using both hands tonight
Foy – My left hand was better than my right

Evee – I’m going to attack him since he hurt him
Burke – They hurt your Clint! They abused your Clint!
Evee – I’m just being loyal

Bentley – You see what looks like a worm on deck
Burke – Oh I thought it was McCloud…
Evee – If McCloud looks like a worm there’s something wrong

Foy – He eats the food… He wakes up a little later tied down and naked “aww not again”
Evee – No he thinks this is his favorite dream but after awhile he realizes the girls would be here by now

Quotes 01/28

Burke – I said funny stuff you just don’t write that down
Evee – It’s usually one offs and I don’t right those down
Bentley – McCloud knows all about one offs
Foy – That’s right… Wait…

Burke – So we find guns and
Evee – Roses
Burke – Did you just say roses?
Evee – Yeah you know guns and Roses… Like the band
Bentley – I’m going to roll to determine my reaction to your joke…. (Rolls badly)
Burke – He’s crying

Bentley – You hear a kid…
Evee – Oh my gosh there’s a kid
Burke – That’s not a kid… That’s McCloud

Burke – We don’t want new horses I like my horse, I know she wants her horse (points to Kimi) and we all know how much he loves his horse (McCloud)
(Foy looks at Evee)
Evee – What I didn’t say it
Foy – But you were thinking it

Bentley – Make sure there’s no funny business
Cid – McCloud no funny business?
Evee – McCloud is funny business
Bentley – I didn’t say that…
Evee – No I did
Foy – Look she’s proud… I don’t know why

Evee – (about Cid) Okay my turn, I’m assuming he gets off
Burke – I don’t know, did you?
Evee – Oh… Oops… He dismounts… No that’s worst… He’s over there!

Evee – So we’re going?
Burke – Yeah
Evee – Howsie
Burke – What did you just say?
Evee – Nothing…
Burke – You said something
Evee – I said horsie…
Cid – That’s not what I heard…
Burke – Me either
Bentley – Wait what she say?
Evee – I said horsie but without the r like howsie..
Burke – Yeah sure… She’s excited for something to happen in the next town…
Cid – Or she’s talking about another animal

Evee – I’m legendary. I can turn into a Dragon now… Literally
Cid – … No…
Evee – Well not literally like in real life
Cid – (Flapping) I’m a Dragon
Evee – Apparently I don’t know what literally means
Burke – I don’t think that word means what you think it means


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