Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 5/7/17

Bentley [In reference to a Phillipine ad discussion a Phillipine ad using Wolverine to sell circumcisions: But then the podcast was cut a little short…

Bentley: The jeweler’s name is Jeremiah. It’s Jeremiah the Jeweler’s.
Barry: You mean Jeremiah the Galleria of Jewelry…

Cid (As the group is boarding the train): Sparkleface rides with McCloud.
She’s a service animal.
She performs services on him.

(McCloud sneaks under the train engine to spread ghost rock laced lubricant on the pistons.)
Bentley: Okay, you are able to grease up the pistons.
Risa: That’s McCloud’s specialty.

Bentley (to McCloud): He grabs you by the waist.
Risa: He’s not grabbing your waist, he’s grabbing the throttle.
(Everyone laughs.)
Foy: …don’t write that down.

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Quotes 4/30/17

Evee – They all think there’s a cougar running rampad
Burke – Everyone’s going to go looking for a wild cougar
Risa – so is McCloud

Foy – (after putting together his dice tower) don’t touch my thing
Burke – we’ve all touched his thing
Evee – no, that side of the table hasn’t touched his thing
Cid – I don’t want to touch his thing… I don’t like sloppy seconds

Burke – Foy hasn’t drawn his benny’s
Foy – Not that I"m going to need them, I’m so good
Burke – Oh, okay, no benny for you then
Foy – The one time you actually listen…
Everyone – … What?

Risa – Well they probably wanted to roast their wiener inside (in response to there being no bad guys at the north star ranch)

Burke – I’m 48 inches away from the nearest building (measures back to Foy’s nipples)
I’m on this mountain top

Risa – (after rolling her dice) Wooh Hoo! Oh shit… wait…

Bentley – You hear…
Cid – a low moan from the corner? (talking about McCloud sitting by himself in the dark corner)

(Kimi turns into a bird in an attempt to save the giant wild buffalo from a device stuck on it’s head)
Burke/DJ – I’m going to shoot that thing on it’s head (hits with a raise and then rolls 28 points of damage)
Bentley – the box breaks, you see the creature’s eyes blink and then it explodes
Kimi – (in bird form begins angrily chirping at DJ)
Burke/DJ – I’m sorry! I didn’t know he was going to explode

Burke – Have you seen this cougar?
DJ – It’s her as a cougar, “meow”

Maddie – I want to bet on DJ to win
Bentley – I’m sure you can find someone to bet for you
Foy/McCloud – You didn’t bet for McCloud to win in his duel
Maddie – I only bet on the winner, don’t take it personal… it’s business

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Quotes 4/23/17

Quotes 4/23 Not that it matters, no one’s listening anyway (Ed: Hey!)

Bentley – I got an extra draw because Foy showed up (holds up the green benny)
Risa – (to Foy) so, we lost the green benny because of you

(Bentley explodes on an 8 sider dice that Evee gave back to him)
Burke – you shouldn’t have given him that dice back

Bentley – you could turn into a mouse and wild attack
Evee – Squeek!
Bentley – maybe they’re all afraid of mice

Bentley – You could deal with the devil, its free and one action
Professor – family reunion
Kimi – I dont think the devils her father
DJ – wellll…

Bentley – He’s going to shoot Maddie…
Evee – She’s at minus two
Burke – So he missed
Bentley – I’m spending a benny
Evee – Oh, he really wants to shoot her, it was those green eyes
Risa – Yeah, they’re glowing
Evee – Or he heard me growling behind her and thought she was an evil creature
Burke – well… she is

Evee – if the warrior spirit takes over while she’s in the cougar state
Bentley – cougar state? Is that where she went to school? Oh, it’s where McCloud hung out after school
Evee – okay, I got it
Bentley – wait, don’t right the school part, it was innappropriate
Evee – exactly… which is why it’s going down
Burke – that’s also innappropriate

Evee – she could just turn into a horse and stand by the bad guys to listen
Burke – (as the bad guys) why is there an extra horse?
Foy – This horse wants me to mount it
Everyone – ewww!

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Quotes 4/2/17

Bentley – Now that’s what we call “Steam Junk”
Evee – okay no… (everybody laughs) awe, now I have to write it down

And Wang makes a triumphant comeback… so here it goes…

Burke – III
Evee – II
Bentley –
Foy – I
Barry – II
Cid – I
Dan -

(Look, we managed to not fall too far back into old habits xD)

Bentley – you can tell it’s a murder of passion
Cid – Murder, suicide. They couldn’t handle their love
Barry – inconsensual cowpoking

Evee – (Bentley knocks over Barry’s figure with the tree map) and a tree knocks the professor out
Professor – and the crowd cheers
Evee – nah, that’s just Kimi…

Bentley – you won a Benny for the quotes
Evee – yeah you won with with a cow poke
Burke – nobody wins with a cowpoke…

Foy – (run into the church bell like wind chimes)
Dan – Every time Foy gets abused, an angel gets his wings

Burke – yeah, you have to go after Wang, you keep going after Wang…
Evee – that’s because he can’t keep ahold of his own Wang..

Burke – (an arrow comes out of the forest and hits Foy, who soaks it) It hit your diary
Cid – It was his Sparkleface fanfiction book
Burke – about a forbidden love between a horse and a man

Evee – stop stealing my dice rolling mojo! (to Bentley, who keeps exploding while she keeps rolling ones)

Dan – this is exactly why Wang didn’t run up to stand next to the Professor
Burke – Yeah, but there’s two dogs in the blast
Bentley – those are wolves!

Barry casts puppet on Black Dog and makes him talk on and on
Burke – Jeez, I think your name is Yapping Black Dog

n – yeah fill a bath full of holy water, she’d get out so fast

Bentley – He took one for the team (Foy)
Burke – No, he lost one for the team

(Mimicing Foy)
Burke – He’s gonna go walking down the street “look, who wants to take my right nut?”
Dan – “that’s why they call me lefty”

*McCloud – (mimicing bad guy)“McCloud, you don’t have the balls to take us…” you’re right!
*

Burke – (after rolling double ones)
Dan – you think the guy by the barrel is the boss, shoot him (talking about McCloud)
Cid – No nut McCloud

Burke – you’re butt stroking (about Dan hitting someone with the butt of his gun)
Barry – Don’t say that, McCloud gets jealouse

Evee – (to Burke) Yeah, shooting into Melee… again
Burke – Hey, I’ve got a D10 in shooting! (Okay Risa)

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Quotes 3/26/17

Burke – (talking about McCloud’s unmentionables) well, if it’s Bionic, then wouldn’t it glow in dark? A little mini glow stick
Bentley – like a light saber, or a very light saber

Burke – (to Evee) is your dog still alive? Is moon moon still around?
Evee – Damn it moon moon!

Bentley – a pack of wolves is devouring a cow in the heard
Burke – how could you let this happen (to Kimi)
Barry – control your family!
Evee – I don’t control the wolves

Bentley – well it looks like your straw (talking to Burke) is in his cup (to Foy)
Burke – … it is
Evee – he’s grumbly because I don’t want to use his straw… I have a germ thing
Bentley – so what you’re saying, is you care what she sucks? Huh Foy?
Foy – huh? How did I get into this?

Burke – we could just handcuff the cows feet so they can’t walk
Bentley – First you kill the poor wolves, now you’re antagonizing the cows… when will it end
Burke – I don’t know, when will this campaigne end?

Evee – we could just put a fake cow out there…
Professor – we could dress McCloud up as a cow!
Burke – Moo for us! You can do better than that
Foy – what happens if a bull comes a long?
Burke – That’s the true meaning of ‘cow poke’

Evee – a bird ran into me… like a real bird when I just walked outside
Bentley – well it is the duck and decanter
Barry – what kind of bird was it?
Evee – a sparrow
Barry – well see, then it’s not welcome here, this isn’t the sparrow and decantor
Bentley – It will forever be known as ’Broken Sparrow"

Evee – (to Burke) see, some men can explode twice… (to Bentley’s dice roll)
Burke – well apparently Bentley can
Bentley – apparently I can what?
Evee – nothing! Nevermind. Don’t tell him
Burke – well I can tell him if you want…
Evee – no! That’s okay
Bentley – well I am just a natural…
Burke – Evee thought it was funny that you exploded twice…
Bentley – I don’t get it…

Barry – McCloud looked like he needed some nuts…
Burke – to replace the ones he lost

Bentley – who are you, hop off Casady?
Evee – oh my god, really?!

Bentley – Marshall Tate
Barry – Tate?
Burke – Like tator tots

Evee – All he managed to do was spread all the bad guys around so it’s going to be harder for us to kill them…
Bentley – And now they’re all in cover
Evee -(sarcasm)…Thank you professor
Bentley – Now we have seperation anxiety…

Bentley – Evee gets a wound
Evee – I soaked, it’s my turn (moves closer, just inside of short range) I don’t like being shot (shoots him with 22 points of damage)

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The Professor's Musings on Victor's Work

As we continue our journey, my mind is drawn back to invigorating conversations of the past. My young friend Victor, that brilliant surgeon and scientist, had made some revolutionary advances in the understanding of biology. His passion, the driving force of his indefatigable determination, was to discover the secret to piercing the veil between life and death. He maintained death was not the inevitable end of existence, but a state that could be reversed provided the proper application of biological and chemical compounds. These compounds are known to us, as the existing foundation of scientific knowledge has chronicled the finest details of human anatomy. However, the illusive key to the process of revivification is what Victor referred to simply as “the Spark”. We spent many nights discussing and debating theories for successfully igniting that spark through a process that would fan the flames of life.

My thoughts wander through these memories, the landscape through which we travel serving as reminders of Victor’s brilliance and vision. The corpses that seem to pile up in our wake regardless of where we go provide an ample supply of potential test subjects. I will endeavor to continue these inquiries with the hope of finding the secret of the spark.

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Quotes 3/12/17

Here’s the Quotes

Risa/Maddie – I only have a D4-2 in clairvoyance
Evee/Kimi – Yeah, me too… wel, I could justask the spirits, I have a D8 in that
Risa/Maddie – Yeah, me to… I have a D8 in that
Evee/Kimi – …well, kind of. I talk to spirits, you trade with demons

Evee – (to Burke as he throws the wolf’s figure out) don’t throw him
Burke – Eh, he’s plastic
Evee – you’re gonna kill him before he gets the chance to die for me

Foy/McCloud – I’m sorry, am I wearing a shirt that says “rapist” on it?
Risa/Maddie – yeah, it says “the rapist” as in “therapist”
(Trust him, he’s a Doctor)

BurkeDJ – Howdy Suga’
Bentley/Mr. Fisher – Who you callin’ suga’?
Burke/DJ – well, it wasn’t the mouse in ya’ pocket
Evee/Kimi – squeak squeak
Bentley/Mr Fisher – I ain’t got no mouse in ma’ pocket
Burke/DJ – I’m sure Mrs. Fisher is sorry to hear that

Risa/Maddie – Don’t you see my beautiful green eyes? (flutters her eyes at him)
Bentley/Mr. Fisher – that’s the color of vile

Bentley – What in the devil’s name are you doing running into me?
Foy/McCloud – well, I know the devil’s name… It’s Maddie
Risa/Maddie – No, that’s my boss… not me

Foy/McCloud – Leave my horse out of this
Risa/Maddie – your horse got you into this…
Burke/DJ – maybe if you wren’t getting into your horse…
Evee/Kimi – yeah… wait.. eww!

In a random, yet funny turn of events Mccloud gets his… “unmentionables” shot off… and Kimi, being the only healer has to put humpty dumpty back together… much to her utmost disgust…

Sid/Clint – So he dies (talking about McCloud) and comes back as a harrowed with his unmentionables missing.

Risa/Madde – where’s the professor, let him heal it
Sid/Clint – Then he’ll be radioactive
Burke/DJ – like the bionic man
Evee/Kimi – or a cyborg…

Foy/McCloud – Wang where are you when I need you?!
Burke/DJ – it’s rolling away from you…
Risa/Maddie – Kimi’s got it

Sid/Clint – (Realizing that Kimi is only 17) You know what, would you only know your own anatomy? So, you’re going to make it look just like yours?

Bentley – At least you got cover…
Foy/McCloud – Bullshit! I got my dick shot off hiding behind a barrel!

Foy/McCloud – Im’ make the face of a guy who just had his wi-wi shot off…
Sid/Clint – it’s not a ‘wi-wi’ anymore, now it’s just a ‘wi’

Bentley – your indian name shall be…
Evee/Kimi – man with no junk…
Sid/Clint – Broken Arrow

Burke/DJ – I’ve shot crooked Marshalls before…
Bentley – Talk to McCloud about crooked

(I look forward to you reading these ones out loud Bentley) – Evee

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Quotes 2/26/17

Quotes 2/26/17

Evee – so that’s how Sparkleface got his name… (in realization)
Professor – Yes, we should call animal protective services

(the group talks about Risa missing)
Evee – well I miss her
Bentley – I’ll tell her that
Evee – I’m stuck here with a bunch of boys…
Bentley – so you’re saying that you miss her, because of us?
Evee – … if you want to give yourself that much credit

Evee – Look McCloud, they’re pitching a tent too
Burke – Except their’s is straight
Evee – and bigger… more magnificent

Professor – so the dynamite is sweating?
Evee – so don’t let him take that…
Burke – well whose most likely to explode, and he’s sitting on a pile of dynamite, there won’t be any peices of him left to find
Evee – oh… then let him take it

Professor – McCloud didn’t have his pants on last game, you didn’t give him a hard time
Evee – oh, we gave him a hard time
McCloud – yeah you did
Burke – the Cowhands gave him a hard time. They know how to handle his cow.

Burke – it’s gesticulating all over you, you’re right next to it… (in reference to the damage that DJ just did)

Bentley – I don’t get it…
Evee – you don’t want to
Burke – he might want some
Bentley – What are you talking about?
Evee – I maintain, you don’t want to know

Evee/Kimi – hmm… I guess the dog could do something…
Bentley – It’s a wolf. (since Evee is always correcting him about calling it a dog)

Professor – so how many is that? (talking about how many wolves Kimi has gone through)
Kimi – uh… I don’t remember
Burke – they have hashtags on what number they are

Burke – you go first Kimi
Evee – about time
McCloud – yeah with all that great damage you’ve been doing (sarcastically)
Evee – hey, be nice to me
Burke – yeah, she knows where you sleep

Foy (after dropping the dice) it wasn’t me, it was the table
Bentley – that’s what the doctor said…

McCloud admits to being a tranny… (this actually happened)

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Quotes 2/19/17

(After explaining to Bentley what shipping meant)
Burke – It’s Benisa…
Evee – You’ve been shipped
Burke – (In gangsta style) Yo, yo, yo!

Cid/Clint – We have the cowhands…
Evee/Kimi – Are you sure they aren’t busy with McCloud?

Evee/Kimi – (referring to McCloud) and he’s asleep… useless thing

(Upon running into a couple of vampires, the group figures out how to deal with them)
Eve/Kimi – of course, the professor wants to talk with it
Burke/DJ – he want to… interview with the vampire (sorry, but this pun was actually funny)

Foy/McCloud – so just make sure you don’t get any of his blood on me
Evee/Kimi – It’s okay McCloud, splatter happens

Foy/McCloud – I know how to pitch a tent…
Barry – is that why it’s always crooked?

Foy/McCloud – Gently!
Evee/Kimi – yeah, don’t land on the tent, you’ll bend it
Foy/McCloud – exactly, it’s delicate

Evee/Kimi – where have you been keeping those guns?
Barry/Professor – Sparkleface says you don’t want to know…
Burke/DJ – meaning Sparkleface knows…
Bentley – Anyone ever wonder if that’s how Sparkleface got his name?

Foy/McCloud – (to Cid, trying to get blessed) quick, touch me! In a really inappropriate way…
Evee/Kimi – and the priest slowly backs away

Foy/McCloud – we could just cross streams
Bentley – except it’s not your turn
Cid/Clint – he’s premature…

(The group tries to talk McCloud into shooting the vampire in front of Kimi, his argument being that he wouldn’t have noticed the one in front of Kimi… thanks to the professor who literally dropped him right in front of her >.<) />s never been able to make her scream…

(The tribe welcomes Kimi back, allowing her to redeem herself with the tribe, earning the name, Demon on Fire, instead of the shameful, Back to Tribe. The group then decides what name they shall give to McCloud, who fought the battle with no pants on)
Bentley – You will forever be known as; Nausea to Tribe
Burke/DJ – I thought it would be Whistles with Winds
Bentley – No, you will be know as; Dance with Self
Burke/DJ – His name is now; Free Willy

(Typed all on my new laptop, which I will be bringing to the game to make it SO much easier to keep up with quotes! See you guys soon – Evee)

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Quotes 2/12/17

(Okay, so I had this whole thing written out last night but then something happened and I lost the whole thing, so here I go, again… in a highly annoyed fashion)

(In reference to his adventure cards)
Foy – Can’t use those cards, neither one are good for me
Evee – (looking at his cards, he has the device malfunctions card) This says device, not body part, you’re safe.
Burke – this is deadlands, some body parts might be devices
Evee – hmm, McCloud, do you have a secret?

(Kimi talks about who to bring with her to go talk with the Sioux tribe and ask for safe passage)
Evee/KImi – (to DJ) well, you’d be the least controversial to come with me
Burke/DJ – …I don’t know
Evee/Kimi – From what we have to choose from…
Burke – Oh, that was a stealth slam, you didn’t see it coming and most didn’t hear it

Evee/Kimi – I don’t want McCloud watching with me
Barry/Professor – don’t worry, you aren’t McCloud’s type… just ask the cow hands

Evee – (rolling a notice for redshirt cowboys) the cowboys made it
Barry – the professor is distracted (upon failing his roll)
Foy – So is McCloud (also failing his roll)
Burke – hmm, with each other?
Evee – well, the professor did say I wasn’t McClouds type. He just wants me to stay away from his man.

Burke – Where’s McCloud’s gun?
Cid – The Professor has it…

Bentley – (talking about the men ambushing the party) it is dark, and they are under cover
Cid – They’re under our covers?! They are really stealthy

(The professor shoots off a few bolts, directly over the sleeping Clint, who wakes up)
Bentley – you wake up and see the green light of God and the Professor standing above you… Welcome to the church of Oglethorpe

McCloud – I was busy marking my territory
Evee/Kimi – with your horse?
McCloud – Not on my horse… sicko

Burke – If you two were shipped, would it be McKimi?

Cid – (talking about McCloud’s questionable relationship with his horse) He likes to write his own fanfiction (hmm… Friendship is magic?)
Evee – That’s really what he keeps in his journal.

(Take two completed…)

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