Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 2/12/17

(Okay, so I had this whole thing written out last night but then something happened and I lost the whole thing, so here I go, again… in a highly annoyed fashion)

(In reference to his adventure cards)
Foy – Can’t use those cards, neither one are good for me
Evee – (looking at his cards, he has the device malfunctions card) This says device, not body part, you’re safe.
Burke – this is deadlands, some body parts might be devices
Evee – hmm, McCloud, do you have a secret?

(Kimi talks about who to bring with her to go talk with the Sioux tribe and ask for safe passage)
Evee/KImi – (to DJ) well, you’d be the least controversial to come with me
Burke/DJ – …I don’t know
Evee/Kimi – From what we have to choose from…
Burke – Oh, that was a stealth slam, you didn’t see it coming and most didn’t hear it

Evee/Kimi – I don’t want McCloud watching with me
Barry/Professor – don’t worry, you aren’t McCloud’s type… just ask the cow hands

Evee – (rolling a notice for redshirt cowboys) the cowboys made it
Barry – the professor is distracted (upon failing his roll)
Foy – So is McCloud (also failing his roll)
Burke – hmm, with each other?
Evee – well, the professor did say I wasn’t McClouds type. He just wants me to stay away from his man.

Burke – Where’s McCloud’s gun?
Cid – The Professor has it…

Bentley – (talking about the men ambushing the party) it is dark, and they are under cover
Cid – They’re under our covers?! They are really stealthy

(The professor shoots off a few bolts, directly over the sleeping Clint, who wakes up)
Bentley – you wake up and see the green light of God and the Professor standing above you… Welcome to the church of Oglethorpe

McCloud – I was busy marking my territory
Evee/Kimi – with your horse?
McCloud – Not on my horse… sicko

Burke – If you two were shipped, would it be McKimi?

Cid – (talking about McCloud’s questionable relationship with his horse) He likes to write his own fanfiction (hmm… Friendship is magic?)
Evee – That’s really what he keeps in his journal.

(Take two completed…)

Quotes 1/29/17

(Barry and Dan make a come back, and Barry talks about his character needing two more dementias for his character)
Dan – … hold that thought
Sid – or lack there of

Bentley – is there an echo in here?
Burke – … what?
Bentley – is there an echo in here?

Dan coming back meant that once again, the group was overrun by Wang jokes… the scribe, not wanting to have to write them all down, kept a tally.

Burke – 24
Barry – 11
Evee – 8
Dan – 4
Foy and Sid – 1 each

Dan – (after Evee’s complaint about the return of the Wang) I blame myself
Burke – yeah, we blame you too

Dan – it’s not easy being green
Evee/Kimi – or light brown in your case
Dan/Wang – or red in your case

Bentley – did everyone make their spirit role? (Affirmative)
Burke – we’ve got spirit
Entire group – Yes we do! (very pep rally ish)

Sid/Clint – (to Kimi/Evee) Don’t you usually get diseases from McCloud?
Evee/Kimi – We went over this last week, only in his dreams…

Evee/Kimi – McCloud’s on fire today (in regards to his high rolling)
Sid/Clint – you wish
Evee/Kimi – No… not at all

A group of men hold the train our group rides on for money. Most of them are dispatched quickly, and the final two run away, leaving one standing there literally holding the bag)
Bentely – he’s left holding the bag
Burke/DJ – hmm… so, how much money do you have? (shoes on the other foot)

Burke/DJ – (to Kimi) Maybe you can get a group rate with the Professor to see a therapist…
Evee/Kimi – (with complete sincerity) No way! That Professor is crazy!
Everyone – (laughs)

Bentley – so, this sounds like a dramatic task for the Professor
Everyone – (groans)

Bentley – (trying to get the Professor to do something stupid) you’ll remember this for the rest of your life…
Evee – Which would only last for another two minutes…

Bentley – we need a quote with Sparkleface in it (talking about McCloud’s horse)
Foy/McCloud – Friendship is magic! (as the train explodes into a million pieces… or would have)

Evee – (both Sid and Evee make a cooperative role) We both exploded
Burke – yes, the had a magic moment once their hands touch… do you two need a cigarette?

Quotes 1/28/17

(the professor informs the GM of 2 more dementias)
Bentley- (to Barry) hold that thought
Sid – or lack there of…

Bentley – is there an echo in here?
Burke/DJ – …what?
Bentley – is there an echo in here?

Wang makes a triumphant return… Along with his jokes. The tally marks return.

Burke – 24
Barry – 11
Evee – 8
Dan – 5
Bentley – 3
Sid – 1
Foy – 1

Dan – (taking responsibility for the return of the Wang… Jokes) I blame myself
Burke – we blame you too

Dan -it’s not easy being green
Evee – or light brown in your case
Dan – or red in your case

Bentley – did everyone make their spirit role?
Burke – we got spirit!
Everyone – yes we do!

(Kimi has to make a vigor role to keep from getting diseased)
Sid – don’t you usually get diseases from McCloud? (to Evee, who is offended at this accusation)
Evee – we went over this last week, only in his dreams

Evee – McCloud’s on fire today…
Sid – you wish…
Evee – not really

(the train the group is on is invaded again by train robbers, one of which is holding a bag to collect money. Two of the men run away)
Bentley – he’s left holding the bag…
Burke/DJ – hmm… How much money do YOU have?

Burke/DJ – (to Kimi) maybe you can get a group rate with the professor to see a therapist…
Evee/kimi – No, the professor is crazy!
Everybody laughs

Bentley – so this sounds like a dramatic task from the professor…
Everybody else – groans

Bentley – you’ll remember this for the rest of your life
Evee – which is only the next 2 minutes

Bentley – we need a quote with sparkleface
Foy – friendship is magic! explosion

Foy – you’re not sparkleface, get away from me!
Barry – he’s a one horse man

Evee – we both exploded (her and Sid)
Burke – yeah their hands touched and they had a magic moment. Do you two need a cigarette?

Quotes 1/22/17

Bentley – make a fear check at -4
Evee – minus 4?!
Bentley – well, it’s a big demon
Evee – shouldn’t we get a bonus, we hang out with Maddie…

Burke – (after developing a phobia of the demon) anyone in their right mind, excluding Maddie, would be afraid of a demon.

(after failing his guts check against the demon, the wolf runs and hides behind Maddie)
DJ – shouldn’t you be hiding behind your daughter?
Kimi – you’re making better roles than me
DJ – oh yeah, I’m actually competent.
Kimi – hey!

Burke – (realizing he shot the wrong thing) oh yeah, I was supposed to shoot that guy. Sorry, my demon phobia took over.
Evee – he should get a benny for that
Bentley – if he had said it during his turn I would have
Evee – but it’s funnier that he said it now…

Evee – well, she likes DJ…
Foy – but fancies McCloud
Evee/Kimi – only in your dreams McCloud
Foy – so he wins either way! It’s only a matter of time…

McCloud – I could just dump holy water and then give him a hug
Burke – go for it…
Evee – show him a lesson
Sid – he’s got practice from pouring oil all over himself
McCloud – only this time it’s free
Evee – you mean you won’t have to pay this time?

Evee – we keep forgetting about size
Bentley – well size matters
Evee – yeah, but McCloud might disagree with that…

Sid – you could shoot the gun through the holy water, that way it splashes all over
Evee – yeah, but then it would splash him and McCloud would be burning
Burke – and if Maddie was around, she’d be burning
McCloud – everyone would be burning
Evee – … Except me
Burke – and me…

Evee – yeah, he took it
Burke – just like McCloud…

McCloud – we could uber horses
Burke – sure, dial them up

Bentley – you might be able to get some townfolk on your side
Sid – so we’re going to riot the townsfolk!

McCloud – it’s the sand people
Burke – (makes sand people noises)
Bentley – (to Sid) see what I have to deal with?
Burke – (to Sid) yeah, start helping!

Bentley – (after shooting and missing) that was a warning shot…
Sid – (shoots and kills the guy) that’s my warning shot…

McCloud – Awe, you’re wounded too?
Burke – yeah but he’s not whining about it…
Sid – and I lost an arm (after the figure actually lost an arm)

Quotes 1/15/17

Foy is pouting because of the heavy McCloud bashing from the week before
Bentley – You could wind up with a happy ending McCloud…

Foy/McCloud – (in response to crowding Evee with his stuff) I’ll put my junk anywhere I want!

Foy/McCloud – Oh no, you’re on fire. Quick, take off your clothes! (to Kimi… more attempts)
Evee/Kimi – That’s your solution to everything
Burke/DJ – Only when it comes to you

Risa/Maddie – (to Foy returning from getting a drink) You left and you decided to take your clothes off
Foy/McCloud – That’s a great bonus for everyone
Burke/DJ – No, we’re all blinded
Evee/Kimi – Everybody, make a guts check
Burke/DJ – Can I choose to fail and vomit?

Bentley – (in an attempt to attack McCloud) Double ones, it stalls
Foy/McCloud – He can’t handle McCloud’s awesomeness!

Bentley – Kimi suffers 9 damage
Foy/McCloud – Watch out Kimi! (he says a beat too late)
Evee/Kimi – … thanks for the warning, it’s great having McCloud behind my back
Burke/DJ – More like on your back… like a monkey
Evee/Kimi – or a dog

Bentley – You hit him, and your knife begins to glow red
Burke/DJ – … and starts to melt, burning your arm, setting him on fire! (In response to McCloud causing damage)

Bentley – (trying to decide on who to attack) He’ll attack Kimi if he makes his smarts roll… which he didn’t, so he’ll attack McCloud.
Foy/McCloud – wait, what?
Evee/Kimi – yeah, he’s not smart enough to go after the real threat apparently…

Evee/Kimi – I’m gonna whack him…
Burke/DJ – She already got to second base?
Risa/Maddie – yeah, with a tomahawk
Burke/DJ – …ouch

McCloud hits the monster with a raise and does a whopping five damage.
Evee/Kimi – you tickled him, he goes ‘tee hee’ and decides your no longer worth his time.

Bentley – (upon returning to the town, McCloud winds up in the store where a horde of bees were last seen) Because of your amazing fortitude…
Burke – and manly body odor…
Bentley – You manage to escape the bees

Bentley – you see something bound in leather
Risa/Maddie – Leather?
Evee/Kimi – (Sarcastically) can you tell if it’ll fit Maddie?

Bentley – they reach under their robes and pull out clubs
Evee/Kimi – what else are they hiding under their robes?
Burke/DJ – he already told you, their clubs…

(hope everyone enjoys the quotes, see you tomorrow!)

Quotes 1/8/17

Sorry for the late post everyone! Here are the quotes!

Foy/McCloud – Oh, we’re so close, we could be kissing
Risa/Maddie – McCloud will kiss anybody
Evee/Kimi – Spreading his diseases…

Evee – (in reference to the scenario set up) this look like the beginning to a bad joke…
Burke – An Indian shaman and a demon born walk into a church…

Risa/Maddie – (talking about a crypt as we walked past) And what does it say? “Here lies Fred, he is dead.”

Foy/McCloud – I’m tired of being shaken…
Evee/Kimi – Awe, poor McCloud, do you want your mirror?
Risa/Maddie – And his diary…
(so he can make himself feel better, of course)

Foy – (to Evee with that “Foy” look) why are you against me all of a sudden?
Burke and Evee – All of a sudden?

Bentley – (describing the hotel room that Maddie spent good money on) There’s a bed, moth covered with no pillows or sheets…
Risa/Maddie – What?! I need a feathered pillow!
Evee – She’s gonna go complain to the manager…

Bentley – (in reference to Kimi doing something odd) Delusional
Evee – That I am… (upon realizing what she’s said) not me! I mean her! My character… (facepalm)

Foy/McCloud – But… I lost a benny.
Burke/DJ – You didn’t lose it, you know where it went

Evee/Kimi – McCloud has a hard time getting his gun out…
Risa/Maddie – He doesn’t know if he’s out…
Evee/Kimi – … you mean, he doesn’t know if he’s in…

Bentley – well, you’re curious (to Risa… and you (to McCloud) are you staying up… or?
McCloud – I’m bi-curious

Foy/McCloud – Should we split up
Burke/DJ – No thanks, Shaggy
Risa/Maddie – Yeah and take Scooby
Wolf/Kimi – huh?! (looking appalled at the idea)
Risa/Maddie – Would you do it for a Wolfie snack? (It’s probably a squirrel >.>)

Evee – (After a bad pun from Burke of all people) We may be rubbing off on them, but he’s rubbing off on you…
Burke – (to Bentley) Don’t be rubbing off on me!

Burke/DJ 0 So you want to possess us?
Bentley – (as mining ghosts) possess is a powerful and dark word…
Risa/Maddie – I’m already taken…
Bentley/Minors – We don’t want you…

Foy/McCloud – Should I use my big gone?
Bentley – … If you can find it

(There is SO much McCloud bashing here… it is hilarious, but just a quick note from the scribe, we tease with love… See everyone soon. Evee)

Through the Blood Pool

Quote of the game:

Evee – (in reference to the scenario set up) this look like the beginning to a bad joke…
Burke – An Indian shaman and a demon born walk into a church…

Reverend Cheval lives AND summoned an INFERNAL DEMON! And what of the escaped cultist?

Adventure summary 12/4/16

Tonight’s adventure takes up with a fight between The Troubleshooters and the forces of Hellstrom. After the group destroyed the War Wagon, they were left facing an automaton and a manned gyrocopter. Though the automaton’s gatling gun jammed, it popped claws and started (slowly) chasing our heroes about while they pumped bullets into it, all the while dodging the autogyro as it rained down bundles of dynamite upon them. Dakota Joe finally managed to put a bullet into the brain pan of the automaton, severally crippling it. Deciding to leave it to McCloud to finish off, she put a bullet into the autogyro pilot’s brain pan as well, killing the pilot and bringing down the gyro. Joe also finished off the automaton, when McCloud proved unable.

A small party of Union Cavalry scouts arrived to see what all the hubbub was about but arrived to late to be of any service.

With the Dutchman dead, automaton, gyrocopter and war wagon destroyed, the cattle drive continued unmolested towards Camp Hades, Colorado.

While scouting ahead, Joe and McCloud come across a wagon with dead settlers and horse coming from the west toward Camp Hades. Upon inspection Joe determines that they were traveling from the town Coffin Rock due to a token for a theatre located there and clues indicate that they were killed by none other than, Pete Swindon.

So the trouble shooters (well Joe) decide to pursue. Figuring he was headed toward Coffin Rock, by his tracks, the group headed to Camp Hades to catch the train and hopefully get to Coffin Rock ahead of him.

Arriving at Coffin Rock after an uneventful train and horse ride (how often does that happen!) our heroes find a bust mining town. Most of the buildings are burned out, abandoned or unoccupied. The town is obviously cursed or haunted as they keep seeing shadows move, blood stains where none exist, etc. out of the corners of their eyes. McCloud and Joe head to the Saloon to search for Swindon but before they can get there they hear a scream, proclamations of innocence and pleas for help from an abandoned house. Joe rushes to see if she can help against McCloud’s protestations to not get involved. They find an obviously unhinged man holding a gun on several locals. Joe sneaks into the room, gun drawn but tries to reason with the man. He tells her that the local Marshal is accusing him of a murder he didn’t commit, won’t tell him whom he has murdered and locked him up. He says he escaped with the help of a couple of the deputies because one of them was his brother in law. Joe suspects that they let him loose so that the Marshal can hunt him down for fun. The townsfolk confirm that he’s a “take ’em in dead” type lawman. She talks him into giving over his pistol and letting the townsfolk go as it just makes him look guilty. After the townsfolk leave, she takes pity on him and lets him “escape” and her and McCloud continue on to the saloon called “The Six Feet Under”.

Here we find the mayor of Coffin Rock, nursing a whiskey and his time piece expectantly. After buying a drink and questioning the bar keep about Swindon, Joe leaves a couple of Swindons wanted posters with the barkeep, the pair depart for the theatre in town.

Joe and McCloud find the theatre but have no success, as the owner of the theatre does not recall ever having seen Swindon but McCloud is successful in buying a ticket for the nights show and a token for a second free show. Joe has the token she found on Swindon’s victims, so is in no need of a ticket. As the pair leave the theatre, the bell of the church rings one time and a single gunshot is heard immediately after. So Joe and McCloud head down the street to check out the church but while passing the abandoned school house on the way, the wraith of a dead child charges out. The pair, as spooked as the horses quickly escape and meet at the church…

The only quote of the game I can remember:

Bartender: Would you like a drink?
McCloud: No thanks, I’m driving!
Dakota Joe: A “Cattle Drive”!

Quotes 11/20/16

Not a lot in the way of quotes this week, but I got a few good ones.

Bentley – You see smoke signals
Foy/McCloud – (gasps, to Kimi) what are they saying?
Evee/Kimi – you assume that I know?
Foy/McCloud – Well, you’re people are into smoke…
Evee/Kimi – what do you mean ‘my people’? Racist.

Bentley – You’re all welcome here, Ma’am (speaking to DJ), and Sir’s (to McCloud and the professor, before looking at Kimi) you’re kind isn’t welcome here… (out of character) and you see he’s talking to the wolf.

Foy/McCloud – (after taking a few shots) I’ll take another short… the cheap kind. That’s so much smoother.
Burke/DJ – Not really. It’s cheaper and harder to take

Burke/DJ – Oh, they don’t allow animals… McCloud, looks like you gotta wait outside…

Bentley – (in an attempt to talk our way out of more trouble) What we got here… is a problem…
Burke/DJ – Do we have a failure to communicate? (quoted with proper delivery)

Risa – Which one’s Swindon?
Burke – the one in the brown (points to the figure)
Barry – It’s good for him that he’s wearing his brown pants…

Burke – so, the professor is done… well done (after the professor has, yet again, blown him… and half the wall up with one of his crazy and unnatural contraptions)
Evee/Kimi – I told you it would blow up! (unseen from around the corner)

Risa/Maddie – (steps into the doorway, where Kimi is standing) sorry Kimi, duck!
Evee/Kimi – what?

Bentley – (after the false Marshall has been killed, the job is offered to each of the main hero’s) Would you like to be Marshall Miss? (to Maddie)
Risa/Maddie – hmm… well, what exactly does that entail?
Bentley – why, defending our great town from infernal evil
Risa/Maddie – … that may be a conflict of interest

(had a great time!! Everyone have a fantastic Thanksgiving!! See you next Sunday)

The Professor's new remedy

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 20th day of November in the year 1879, in the company of the troubleshooters on the cattle drive:

Once again, the troubleshooters were triumphant against would-be attackers, intent on our demise. We were able to negotiate our way clear of violence in one instance, successfully communicating to a patrol that it was not worth their lives to attempt to steal a non-functioning piece of technology from perhaps the only person in 500 miles capable of repairing the device. Unfortunately, our subsequent encounter was not so congenial, and we were forced once more to eliminate a mortal threat. Of course, this provided another opportunity to utilize the most recent version of the medicinal Ghost Rock elixir. A further refinement of my original configuration of the elixir, I have added a compound first developed by the gifted German chemist Albert Niemann. I replicated his process of extraction upon Coca leaves native to the mountains of Peru. Historically, these leaves have been used by the indigenous population for thousands of years, the stimulative properties utilized to speed their heart rates and breathing in the high altitudes of the Andes. In more recent years, a number of renowned scientists have had success in developing a number of beneficial applications beyond the primitive religious practices of the Peruvian natives. In the aftermath of the most recent attack, I offered some of the injured ranch hands to choice between the original tablet and a tablet infused with the coca extract. While both versions exhibited the same healing properties, the coca extract yielded the additional benefit of increased alertness and energy, a great benefit on the trail where fatigue and exhaustion can be a hazard not only to individuals but to the herd and the entire drive.

In the days after our last violent encounter, an increasing number of the ranch hands have come to me asking for healing from a wide range of minor maladies…everything from a splinter to a twisted ankle. I believe the hands are seeking the euphoric reaction to the coca extract, and are not truly in need of medical attention. I understand their desire and I can see no harm in providing such a beneficial treatment, as increased alertness and energy on the trail is a desirable outcome. Therefore, I have developed another chewable lozenges consisting of primarily the coca extract. The hands now ask for a “green” or a “red”, depending upon whether they need healing or simply a boost on those long night time watches.


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.