Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Troubleshooters
Friends In Deed!

Well, it might not seem like much of a place t’you, ‘specially now, but it seemed worth fightin’ over fer a lot of folks. I heard about it a few months before any trouble started, when it wuz just another rock mesa among countless others in the Great Maze. Ah, but like some others, this one held the promise of a vein o’ that precious, precious ghostrock. People were quite willing to mine it or kill other people for doing the same. Seems like squabbles over ghostrock mines were common all along the crazy canyons and canals of what used t’ be California. That feller Kang may have had an ironclad boat on his side, but we had the Troubleshooters.

The first time the Abysmal “visited” us, it pretty much shot up the town with its cannons, and Kang left a buncha’ his goons ta make sure we didn’t interfere with HIS plans for Boswell Island, so we few survivors spent most of our time hidin’ and tryin’ to scrape by without gettin’ gunned down by his men. Escape from the island wasn’t really an option without a boat. I seen things in the waters around here that could gulp down any feller foolish enough ta try swimmin’. We had some food and ammo stashed away, but it wa’nt gonna last, so a few of the boys and me, we crept up to the remains of our shanties ta see what we could scrounge up there. We found a whole lot more than we bargained for.

Cletus saw the smoke first, it looked like another vessel wuz anchored next to the island, so we crept up ta see what new varmints we would have to avoid. Not much surprise when we spotted the first fellow of the group, another Oriental type, no doubt yet another one o’ Kang’s lackeys, proud as a peacock, but certainly not dressed as well. He didn’t even have a gun on him that we could see!

The rest of the group sure didn’t look like the regular hired guns we had gotten used to avoidin’. Oh, the man in black was definitely a gunslinger, but he walked with precise step and his steely eyes glanced around fer danger everywhere. Then there was another rifle-slinger type, but she, SHE, seemed to take in one glance how many hidin’ places there were in the wreckage. It seemed like she saw me and my boys for an instant and then coolly kept on walkin’. There wuz another woman, or I should probably say a proper lady. She walked with an even more delicate step than any of the others, like even though she was walking on rough ground ta her it was smooth carpeted floor under her heels. Cool green eyes, raven black hair and a creamy complexion that was quite a contrast to the trailblazed face of the other woman.

So the two leader-types, the new one and the old, started conversatin’ in Chinese. At least, that whut I figgered it ta be, coz I certain couldn’t make heads or tails of it. They were havin’ some heated discussion, with the new feller mentioning Kang a couple a times. So it seemed fer a moment we were certainly done in. With these new recruits, Kang’s men could certainly comb the island and find us all and then either put us ta work for him minin’ the ghost rock WE had claim to, or just toss us in the river ta be eaten by some a’ those nasty water-critters or jus’ torn apart by some of those big brutish THINGS Kang’s boys had with ‘em.

But then, everything changed in just a moment. Whetever the new feller was tryin’ ta sell, Kang’s boys weren’t buyin’ it, and suddenly the shootin’ started. Maybe it wuz that old “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” bit. Maybe it wuz because the rifle totin’ gal had obviously seen us but kept quiet-like. Or maybe, just maybe, what we saw in the new arrivals didn’t match up with the evil men who were gunnin’ against us. We saw hope out of our troubles, so we started shooting Kang’s boys too!

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Down in Quarrytown

Quote of the game: something Foy probably said that Evee had written down

Our “Troubleshooters” made it to Quarrytown after a brief encounter with a giant Maze Alligator. They rescued young Palmer Watson and found more lightning bolt glyphs. Back to Shan Fan with a plan to reclaim the lost key to the Explorers Society Vault. Will Wang get to keep his day job? How will Mattie fare at the Jade Dragon? Ride on to find out!

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Prof. Oglethorpe's journal - observations and research

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 4th day of September in the year 1879, continuing travels with my intrepid companions:

It has been some time since I have taken time to put quill to paper in order to record the events of our extraordinary adventures, let alone some of the very promising results of my ongoing explorations of ghost rock properties and applications. We have braved some of the most treacherous denizens of what is colloquially known as “the Maze”…put simply, the shattered remnants of what was once the beautiful California coast destroyed by an incredible seismic event that left in its wake a labyrinth of unpredictable waterways and unstable mesas and rocky outcroppings.

It was upon an island in the midst of this chaotic and scarred landscape we came upon a most intriguing excavation site. Local rumors whispered warnings of curses and black magic, a sentiment not surprisingly echoed by Wang. It was clear to me, however, the seemingly “magical” effect of the unfortunate prospector was due to a prolonged exposure to an enormous amount of ghost rock. Likewise, the “demon” we encountered and eventually vanquished was transformed by, and drew its power from, the abundant deposits of the mineral. Once we had prevailed in combat, and returned to the poor prospector, it was too late as the “magical” life sustaining effects ceased as the connection to the ghost rock deposit was severed.

Once again, I observed Wang perform some truly incredible martial maneuvers, nearly outmatching our ghost rock-fueled foe…nearly. He once again suffered a life-threatening wound, and fortunately the skilled healing hands our Lakota companion brought him back from death’s door as even as he looked into the abyss his fear of technological progress was so great that he refused the healing invigoration of the vitality glove. It is my hope that my companions will one day see that scientific and technological progress should not be feared so blindly as it can be a great boon in our quest to combat these threats. Despite our philosophical differences on matters arcane and scientific, we are united in purpose that the forces we have faced thus far have evil intent and must be stopped for the good of all mankind.

As we traveled on to Shan Fan after our encounter, I was inspired to begin work on a device I hoped would emulate Wang’s abilities, and thus make myself less inviting target. Of course, the process was not without setbacks, but no irreparable damage was done to the engine room or the ship itself. My automaton assistant functioned admirably, extinguishing the fire before it could spread to the outer hull or the engine, thus avoiding tragedy. In any event, the end result is a device that should have the intended effect, but field testing is yet to be conducted which will provide vital data on any additional adjustments that may be required.

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Labyrinthine Ways
A-Maze-ing Ways

Honored Uncle,
I am most honored to have been gifted a map to part of the Great Maze. It shall undoubtedly be a worthy asset to me and my fellow “Troubleshooters” as we traverse the labyrinthine ways of the remnants of the California coastline. I have been reviewing my poor performance in some recent adventures and must resolve myself to better my combat effectiveness. It has only been through the efforts of my comrades that I have not suffered death or worse at the hands of some of our foes. My respect for them increases as I steel myself for the greater challenges that surely lie ahead. It has been, at times, difficult for me to accept aid in my affairs. But even long ago back in China, when I was a lone child rescued from the shattered remnants of the Shaolin temple, I have relied upon the helpful attentions of others and hope to someday repay those who have aided me. Thank you again uncle, and blessings of the ancestors come to you.
Wang

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Got it! The Amulet of Set

Quote of the game:

Foy – (upon entering the room) Where’s Evee? (sitting right in front of you…)
Barry – Just look for the back hair (thanks for that Burke)

Our heroes took out the Wailing Doom and claimed the The Amulet of Setfrom Ox, the half-ogre half-human. Back in Shan Fan, the gang was inducted into the Explorer’s Society and got a lead on the killer Pete “Longtooth” Swindon. Will they make it to Quarrytown in time to save young Palmer Watson? Will they reclaim the key to the Explorer’s Society vault? Ride on to find out!

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Not-So-Secret Agent Wang
Double-Uh-Oh!

Honored Uncle,
So happy am I to return to the beckoning arms of my beloved Shan Fan, and the great King Dragon restaurant. I cannot wait until I see you again. I know your other business interests take you away from time to time, but I have been away for what seems like months! In any regard, it is not without danger outside the city, even as we pursued our way up the Great Maze of rocky shoals and cliffs that are now what remains of the shattered California coastline we came upon a mine dedicated to that most eeevil of things, ghost rock!

It was no surprise, of course, to see that blackest magic and rituals had been involved and it was only through the efforts of my stalwart comrades that a legendary Demon was put back into whichever hell had spawned him. Even as I tried to protect my colleagues, he struck me down with a most grievous wound that it was only by a supreme spiritual effort that Kimi was able to heal me from the brink of death as the rest of them ensured that the Demon would trouble us no more.

It is now clear to me why you sent an agent to the Denver-Pacific rail yard that fateful day not long ago, to bid me take a train that led not only to dangerous things but also to meeting with people that could combat the forces of darkness with me. Many thanks until I see you again and thousand wishes for your happiness!
Wang

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Quotes 8/14/16

(Another day, and the Wang jokes continue to crawl through…)

WANG JOKES:
1st Place: (Holding tight to his lead) Burke with 13 jokes
Tied for 2nd place: Barry and (finally stepping into the light) Foy with 7 jokes
3rd Place: Bentley with 5 jokes
4th Place: (covering the rear) Evee with 3 jokes

Foy – (upon entering the room) Where’s Evee? (sitting right in front of you…)
Barry – Just look for the back hair (thanks for that Burke)

(We were encouraged to add to the character wiki, but…)
Bentley – You just can’t make stuff up
Foy – Sure, I do it with my diary all the time
Barry – (with a smile) we know

(There seemed to be a bit of a malfunction with last weeks post, turns out the culprit was a single emoji entered by yours truly. Cue the onslaught of millennial insults)
Evee – I’m not a millennial! (I maintain that I am a Y Gen, NOT a millennial)
Everyone Else – Uh huh…

Bentley – (while going over the posts from the obsidian portal) Kimi had a rather intense dream…
Foy/McCloud – Oh, really? Was Wang in it?
Burke/DJ – Need a cigarette, suga’?

Foy/McCloud – (In response to the innuendo surrounding Evee/Kimi’s dream) I’m gonna write that in my dream journal… (catches the dirty look thrown at him from Evee/Kimi) what? You can’t judge…
Evee/Kimi – Oh, I can… and do
Foy – … fair enough (conceding)

Evee – (In response to Burke making one of his rolls, sarcastically) Because you’re SO much better than the rest of us…
Burke – (with complete confidence) You’re right, I am better than you
Evee – And so modest to boot
Burke – I am humble

Bentley – (coming upon the sheriff of Shan Fan) He’s whittling his duck
Evee – (who was only somewhat listening, I’ll admit it) Wait, he’s doing what to his duck?

(Another fantastic day, I hope you enjoy the quotes. See ya’ll in two weeks!)

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Kimi's Dream

(As the group travels on the ship, they are given the opportunity to sleep, this is what Kimi saw as she slept)
As Kimi’s breathing slows and her body relaxes, darkness takes over her mind’s image. Quiet and inviting, she enjoys the silence for just a moment before slowly a light begins to invade. The light grows stronger and stronger as a figure immerges from the blackness. The figure appears small at first, as it approaches from a distance, but the closer it gets, the more it’s mass is known. Kimi recognizes the figure at once, waiting for the immense proud animal to step closer before she kneels, bowing her head in respect. Before her stood a massive dark grey, almost black wolf, with kind, yet wise golden eyes. “Father… I had hopes I might see you tonight” The wolf steps closer, snuffling against her cheek lovingly. She chuckles a little, wrapping her arms around the animal’s neck, kissing the top of his head before standing again, squaring off against the wolf, her father. It blinked at her slowly before sitting back on it’s haunches, allowing a sigh to escape his long muzzle “you do keep yourself busy, little one” the voice coming from the wolf was gruff, but strong, commanding respect without trying. One of many reasons attributing to his place as the tribe’s Chief.

Kimi’s eyes brimmed with tears as she looked upon the massive creature, her father’s spirit within “I do not understand why you have me traveling with such a strange crew… doing things that you know our people would never allow. It makes no sense.” her eyes burn with defiance. She wanted nothing more than to turn back and find her way back home, but she knew that there was a reason behind him sending her here, even if she did not yet know it. “Patience, my daughter, you will soon understand your chosen path in life… why it has been you chosen for something so vital… so life altering. You have yet to see your significance, but it will come, of this I am sure.” his eyes crinkled a bit as the corners of his maw turned upwards in a proud smile. “As for your traveling companions, their purpose will become apparent soon… they are just as significant. You must continue with them. Help them as best you can, and bestow your wisdom upon them… as I know you can.” Kimi sighs, her eyes falling “you do not understand what it is like. They do not understand me, they will not listen. I am too young, too different and they… I do not trust them all. There is a witch amongst us that delves in the darkest of arts and a man who relies solely on the evils of this world. I have been forced upon those same evils more than once father, and if I do not return home soon, then I will continue to betray the spirit of our ancestors, they will grow angry with me for defying my oath”.

The wolf takes a great step forward, and Kimi kneels so that he can place his massive head against hers “the spirits realize that changes are afoot and they are aware of the importance that these changes come… they will be patient with you, my daughter… the same as you are learning to be patient with me. Learn from your companions, be willing to accept their differences and remember to keep your head. You do not have to agree with their ways, but realize that you’ve been brought together for a reason. There is a greater plan, the spirits have foretold.”

A noise is heard, echoing about, a female, it sounds familiar. The darkness and the wolf wane, turning into what looks like a reflection in the water. Kimi gasps and glances around before turning back to the wolf “wait… no!” she moved towards him, but he backs up “I’ll be watching” was his last echoing words as the world around her swirls as the voice penetrates her unconscious again. In another second she’s awake with pirates surrounding them.

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Quotes 8/7/16

WANG JOKES:

1st place: (to nobody’s surprise) Burke with 20 jokes
2nd place: (to EVERYBODY’S surprise) Risa with 11 jokes
Tied for 3rd place: Bentley and Barry with 8 jokes each
4th place: (and not too proud of it) Evee with 7 jokes
Tied for 5th place: Foy and Dan with 6 jokes each

(Hmm, looks like the Wang jokes might finally be winding down?)

Risa/Maddie – She smells like a horse! (referring to DJ)
Burke/DJ – Unlike smelling like a whore (Burn to Maddie)
Everyone’s reaction – Oh!

Bentley/Random NPC – Are you from Australia?
Risa/Maddie – No, I’m from Virginia
Burke/DJ – Yeah, she’s from that Virginian coven

Bentley – Have you met Joe Semen?
Whole Group – Semen?!
Bentley – Steamin’ I meant Steamin’!
Burke – Semen, meet Wang

Evee – (after several extremely snarky comments from Burke/DJ) Ouch! You’re a mean girl, aren’t you?

Evee – No, he’s got a templet (talking about Barry and his machine’s attack)
Burke – (mocking) Oh, no, he’s got a templet!
Whole Group – (with variations) Drop the templet and step back, slowly!

Risa/Maddie – My name is not Witchy Poo

Bentley – (after several really bad puns, get’s a little sympathy from the scribe and group) Pity Quote

Dan/Wang – (deciding to take it upon himself to translate for Kimi, though he barely speaks English much better than she Chewbaca said it was safe… (while Kimi cries out desperately in Sioux to get them to stop)

Bentley – Wang spoke Chop Suey

Bentley – This might be a good idea.
Risa – To run

Dan/Wang – Dakota Jones, we meet again

Whole Group begins chanting ‘Wang’ while he takes on a giant monster

Bentley – Do you have a clear shot?
Burke/DJ – Sure.
Foy/McCloud – Yeah, only Wang’s in your way
Burke/Dj – See, no significant importance

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Quotes 07/31/16

In true style… the Wang jokes continue
WAY too many to write, but no worries, this scribe kept an accurate count.

WANG JOKES:
1st place: With 46 jokes Burke
2nd: With 23 jokes Barry
3rd: With 15 jokes Bentley
(somehow appropriate that the three B’s know how to make Wang funny ;D)
Tied for 3rd: also with 15 jokes Foy
4th: With 14 jokes Dan
5th place: With slight shame and 13 jokes Evee
6th and last place: With 11 jokes Risa

Oh yeah, these also include: Bone( r ), and that’s what she said (courtesy of Burke and Dan what a surprise xD)

Risa: Now we can make all the same Wang jokes with riding… (upon Wang having to learn how to ride a horse >.>)

Foy: (to the scribe) No, don’t write that! I’ll give you a Benny…

Bentley: several random puns

Risa/Maddie: (to Foy) I didn’t read your diary, suga’ did (pointing to DJ)
Foy/McCloud: I can’t wait ’til you get all Blaire Witch on us!

Dan/Wang: Okay Legalass (in regards to Kimi’s awesome shooting)

Barry: I got a Wang joke.
Burke: I know, we saw it on the bathroom wall.

Burke: I know, you’ve been getting gang banged over there (to Wang)

Evee: (when its suggested that she use her bennys to heal some NPC’s) We need to save those for us.

(upon meeting a particularly rude bellboy)
Barry/Morty: I’d like to know, do they sell this outfit in the adults section?
Burke/DJ: I want one for my monkey
Dan/Wang: With a tin cup

Risa/Maddie: I’ve had to get myself out of sticky situations…
Burke and Bentley: That’s a Wang joke!
Risa: No, it has nothing to do with Wang
(oh boy’s your mind always on one thing)

Burke: so, his bone is growing (upon being attacked by a nasty growing bone)

Foy/McCloud: I’m just asking for one stray bullet

Risa/Maddie: Big bones don’t scare you (to Kimi having made a guts check)

Burke/DJ: How many rings do you have?
Bentley/Lacey: Just one
Foy/McCloud: … I’ll take it (holding his hand out expectedly)

(and here’s this weeks quotes, one hand cramp later! Enjoy!)

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