Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

The Professor in Sutter's Flats

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 5th day of November in the year 1879, in the company of the troubleshooters in the hamlet of Sutter’s Flats:

This small hamlet has had its share of activity as of late. We were fortunate enough to have an encounter with a creature known as a chupacabra when we were newly arrived, and even more fortunate still to have taken the care to preserve the anatomy of greatest scientific interest. Although quite small and relatively limited in terms of equipment, I was able to learn a great deal about the creature through dissection and experimentation with various tissues. I would, of course, be able to learn a great deal more if we can capture the next specimen alive, which would provide opportunity for a more in-depth examination of the biological and neurological functioning of such an intriguing creature.

One unexpected discovery during my post-mortem inspection of the chupacabra glandular system was an enzyme with exciting properties. This unique liquid was extracted from what appears to be a central organ of the creature. The prehensile proboscis of the chupacabra, which resembles an extremely powerful and muscled tentacle ending in an orifice resembling that of a lamprey, is directly connected to a large organ occupying the space where heart, lungs, and other organs in other large vertebrates are typically located. This organ appears to serve multiple functions of those primary organs, as well as being enmeshed with a large section of the creature’s spine. Central to this fascinating organ is a gland at the base where blood is taken in from prey, and the secretions of this gland are thought to mix with the fresh blood as it is ingested.

Upon closer examination of this liquid, it appears to have a catalytic effect upon the fresh blood. Further experimentation revealed this enzyme had a similar effect upon ghost rock powder, facilitating solubility of ground ghost rock , which enables the creation of elixirs containing stable ghost rock solutions. I was able to extract approximately 2 quarts of enzyme, which should enable the creation of approximately 2 gallons of ghost rock solution. Such a stable solution opens a number of exciting avenues of medical applications. Although I currently don’t have the equipment of facilities to conduct a proper experiment, I anticipate a strong synergistic effect when utilizing the rejuvenation chamber and the elixir in tandem.

Quotes 10/30/16

I won’t lie, the quotes were particularly difficult to do this week, there didn’t seem to be as many jokes… but I managed to scrape up a few good ones before the game ended.

The Wang Jokes hit a dismal performance, with only a total of four that I caught through the entire game… although Wang, himself, was mentioned several times… he continues to be missed.

Burke and Risa were the only two to be marked with Wang jokes. Burke with 3, Risa with 1

(In a moment between an npc and our characters)
Bentley – Instead you chose to take the lazy ass way…
Risa/Maddie – Hey, don’t talk about McCloud that way!
Foy/McCloud – Yeah! Wait… what?

(McCloud bravely stands up, prepared to fight a veteran duelist…)
Risa/Maddie – What do you want on your tombstone?
Foy/McCloud – Pepperoni?
Risa/Maddie – okay, pepperoni it is… And that’s what you’ll be remembered for in death…

Bentley – Do you have a cook amongst your party. We are in desperate need… what about you? (looks to the professor hopefully, who perks up with interest) Would you like to volunteer?
Risa/Maddie – Oh no! He isn’t!
Barry/Professor – I would love to be the cook! It’s just like alchemy…
Entire Group – (Immediately votes for someone else, while complaining about the aftertaste of ghost rock)

Barry/Professor – is Kimi or McCloud still hurt at all?
Evee/Kimi – No, I’ve already healed everything… we’re good…
Barry/Professor – well you see, I have this bottle (pulls out a bottle made of ghost rock) it’s for aches and pains… it’ll help
Kimi – (pokes at it with a stick)
Risa/Maddie – why is it green?
Burke/DJ – That’s just the coloring on the bottle…
Evee/Kimi – why is it glowing?

(The group decided to end this session with a bit of roleplaying talking about some of the characters greatest desires)
Burke/DJ – (talking about her desire to revenge her husband’s death) He murdered my husband…
Risa/Maddie – you was married?!
Burke/DJ – … yes
Risa/Maddie – I find that hard to believe…
Burke/DJ – it’s easy when you don’t smell of brimstone

Bentley – Anybody else have a story about their greatest desire?
Risa/Maddie – I do!
Foy/McCloud – (groans) Uh oh…
Burke/DJ – Oh god, here we go!

Foy/McCloud – (in demon voice, he imitates Maddie) I was once a little girl with glowing green eyes…

Foy/McCloud – My great grand pappy once told me “McCloud… you want riches… or you want bitches?” And I decided that I’d get riches… then just pay for my bitches.
Evee/Kimi – You aren’t rich enough yet…

Quotes 10/23/16

The jokes made a tiny bit of a come back from last week (no pun intended…)

Burke, Evee and Barry – with three
Bentley and Risa – with one
Foy gave us nothing… (per usual)

(Upon asking the GM if she could have her benny for doing the quotes for the day, the scribe received this conversation)
Bentley – You’re doing quotes? You have your notebook?
Evee – (having left it in the car) yeah, I went out to get it… and look, I came back with a Foy (who had, indeed come in with Evee)
Barry – That’s a pretty good trick
Evee – Tah Dah (complete with flourish)
Burke – Yeah, nothing up her sleeves, watch her pull Foy out of her ass!

Bentley – (his character having been gagged by DJ, mumbles furiously)
Barry – that sounds very close to “I’m warning you”

Risa/Maddie – “I am not in denial!”

(In reference to the cattle drive they’ve all been hired to do)
Risa/Maddie – I don’t want to be in the back. I’d rather be in the front.
Burke/DJ – She does know we’re talking about cattle… right?
Risa/Maddie – … what? (genuinely confused)

Bentley – (while talking to the group) have any of you ever broken a horse?
Evee – Kimi probably has…
Burke – DJ too
Professor – The professor hasn’t intentionally broken any horses…

Burke – (remembering) oh yeah, you forgot to write McCloud’s new name last week for the quotes… The Urkel kid

Bentley – the “steaks” are very high (talking about killing the cow we were supposed to be saving)

Burke – (in response to Kimi being covering in spiders) you could go rub off on the cow…
Evee – I don’t want to rub off on a cow!

McCloud – (in a “sincere” attempt to help Kimi with her spider problem) Try taking off your clothes.
Rise/Maddie – good thing she doesn’t understand him…
Evee – yeah… and if he tries himself, her father will bite off his reason for wanting her naked…
Risa – then we’ll have lost two Wangs

Bentley proceeds to go on a pun “stampede” about cows… while the rest of the group try to “steer” clear of the endless “slaughter” of jokes.

(Here are this weeks quotes, hope everyone has a great week! Cheers, Evee)

Quotes 10/16/16

I’m doing quotes early again this week. See, I’m capable of not waiting until the last possible minute. (I see, good job! :)

With Wang leaving our group (you will be missed) the jokes took a terrible drop in numbers

Burke and Foy with 2 each
Bentley and Evee with 1
and Barry with nothing

(In discussing McCloud’s decision to come along or stay behind)
Evee/Kimi – Are you coming? Or are you staying here, in all your glory?
Foy/McCloud – It is glorious (he says in complete confidence)

(The group got in a discussion about what to do with a cow we managed to save from the water)
Evee/Kimi – I could just have the wolf attack it…
Foy/McCloud – No, just shoot it in the head
Barry/Professor – it’s like extreme cow tipping.

(Upon finding a strange glowing rock in the dragon’s cave, the Professor walks up to it and begins to poke it in his investigation)
Burke/DJ – He’s touching the glowie part… we’re leaving (Before he makes something explode… which he is inclined to do quite often)

Evee/Kimi – McCloud would know the art of running away…
Foy/McCloud – Hey! It’s called tactical retreat

(In a discussion on where and how to hang the map so that we can all see it without Bentley having to hold it up)
Burke – you hang it right there…
Bentley – Then I’ll have use of this arm
Burke – I don’t want to know what you use it for…

Foy/McCloud – (In response to the second professor’s talk of natives who don’t like ghost rock) It’s a bunch of geeks being picked on by really cool pirates.

Barry/Professor – (to Evee and Foy) Get a room!
Foy/McCloud – Are you coming onto me?!
Barry/Professor – Stop lookin’ at my junk!

(the group then decided to start talking like a bunch of old school rap gangsters… drop the mic)

Bentley – Who you callin’ Junk?

Evee/Kimi – (offended) He insulted my Indian intelligence
Foy – if you even understand that…
Bentley – that deserves a benny! It was funny
Evee – don’t reward him for that!

Bentley – (in reference to the professor slowly losing his mind to the ghost rock) the descent is relatively painless…
Burke/Evee – (simultaneously) Painless for him!

Evee – (talking about the professor) he’s a man of science… but he’s also a thief
Barry – well, he has to fund his inventions

Evee/Kimi – McCloud would know all about mechanical failure…
Foy/McCloud – only because you bring my bad luck
Evee/Kimi – you can’t blame me for your failures as a man

Bentley – she’s actually going to bolt… off that way (points off of the map)
Foy/McCloud – Oh well, here, you forgot your bullet!

(jokes were dirty this week, but fun! See you next week! <3 Evee)

The Professor after the encounter with the "ghosts"

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 12th day of October in the year 1879, in the company of the troubleshooters on an island near the city of Shan Fan:

On the outskirts of Shan Fan, my intrepid companions and I were confronted by some intriguing ectoplasmic entities. Of course, the more superstitious members of our company referred to these creatures as “ghosts”, but I will endeavor to discover the scientific explanation of both the makeup of their corpus and the nature of their powers.

Speaking of powers, the elegant Miss James demonstrated an extraordinary new power, literally incinerating the ectoplasmic creatures in a brilliant ball of green fire. I must reserve some time in the near future to develop an analogous device in order to be prepared to defend against ever more dangerous foes. The blast of baleful green radiance was truly astounding, so much so that I believe even one of Kang’s ironclads would stand little chance of surviving such an onslaught.

Once again, I put the electro-deflection shield to the test and it performed admirably. I am quite sure the recalibration of main capacitor and energy flow regulator will ensure a noticeable increase in activation reliability. There are a few circumstances in which I would still like to examine the performance of the shield. My research suggests the device should maintain integrity, but I have unfortunately only been targeted by relatively mundane attacks while the electro-deflection shield was active. For example, a more powerful attack such as Miss James’ devastating blast would truly test the limits of the protective properties of the shield.

Such a field test, if successful, would provide strong evidence of the efficacy of the electro-deflection shield. Of course, I cannot openly request of my companions to seek out ever more deadly encounters (they would perhaps think me quite mad). However, my band of “troubleshooters” seem to find dangerous adversaries as easily as fish find water. The only potentially problematic variable I can foresee is the potential for an undesirable reaction between the energy of such an attack and the energy of the shield itself. While Miss James’ newfound energy blast appears to be analogous to that of my ghostfire-fueled devices, there may be unknown and as yet unmeasured components that could yield unforeseen influence to the equation.

Considering such morbid possibilities, it would likely be beneficial to train one or more of my companions in the basic operation of the revitalization chamber. Regrettably, this may be the more difficult and perhaps unobtainable goal. It is almost certain that the inscrutable Wang and the unsophisticated Kimi would even consider touching one of my “infernal” devices. Although he exudes the persona and appearance of a rough and tumble gunslinger, McCloud would also be an unlikely candidate as he continues to be very skittish and reluctant when I offer to heal his wounds with the revitalization glove or improve his ever-malfunctioning firearms.

While she has shown courage and tenacity, I am unsure that Dakota Jo possesses the intellectual capacity to understand the complexities of the chamber, even if I were to provide written instructions (can she read? I must remember to ask her sometime). That leaves the refined Miss James, who I am sure could perform the task. However, she often seems to be on the front lines and may be in need of the chamber herself. In order to be prepared for this most dire of possible circumstances, I will provide both written instructions as well as train Socrates in the basic operation of the revitalization chamber.

Quotes 10/09/16

Wang Jokes

(apparently the lack of Wang brought the worst Wang out of everybody)

1st place: Tied Burke and Bentley with 8
2nd place: Barry with 4
3rd place: Tied Evee and Risa

(I know there were a lot more than I put here, but I was only somewhat paying attention to them)

Bentley – (the group heads to the shore) and as luck would have it…
Burke – Steamin’ Pile is there (in reference to Steamin’ Joe, seeing as nobody can remember his name)

Risa/Maddie – Just the way I like it, shady and cool
Burke/DJ – Unlike the hell fires of home…

Barry – The professor is powering up!
Burke – yeah, powering up his giant dildo to fuck us all

Barry – Maddie go down the hole (in Plucky Duck style)

Risa/Maddie – Did you guys hear McCloud screaming? (in reference to McCloud splitting the party and getting himself into trouble)
Evee/Kimi – Sounded like a little girl to me (in Sioux, of course)

Risa – (in defense of being marked for making Wang jokes) This has nothing to do with Wang. It’s a big black snake.

Burke – (mimicking the snake) “come here baby, let big black mama take care of you…”

Barry – It was that blue benny that got you in trouble…
Foy – No! It was fear of that god forsaken machine! (towards the machine that the professor insists on somebody trying)

(Upon being attacked, Foy manages to keep himself from dying, but it isn’t until the girls arrive that the creature is finally killed and Foy is rescued… you’re welcome McCloud!)
Foy – This is all about me
Bentley – The McCloud chronicles

Burke – If you heal just by touching, I’m sure McCloud can find a few places that need healing (makes suggestive gesture)
Evee – well, it is the McCloud Chronicles after all, he deserves a happy ending.

(Not too many quotes this week, but we got a little down and dirty this week. Have fun picking from this bunch! Evee)

The Professor in the aftermath of Kang's fortress

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 9th day of October in the year 1879, in the aftermath of the altercation with Kang’s hirelings:

I have been reunited with my companions, and quite predictably we once again became embroiled in the ongoing intrigue that is the nature of Shan Fan. Political machinations, shadowy figures, and outright violence seem to be part of the everyday activities that drive the economy, culture, and government. One of the warlords, Kang, has proven to be quite dangerous and deadly, particularly when it comes to the wellbeing of my companions and innocents who are unfortunate enough to be caught in the crossfire.

On a more personal note, I have to admit I was somewhat anxious to engage some of Kang’s forces as it was the first opportunity to field test my latest invention—the electro-deflection shield I designed to simulate the seemingly miraculous ability of Wang to avoid attacks (including bullets at times, I am still working on a rational explanation for those instances). In the heat of battle, I am happy to note the deflection shield performed admirably. Of course, as with any newly created technology, minor adjustments or malfunctions are to be expected.

I would think that my companions would understand the nature of scientific inquiry and progress, but they still are quite skittish around my devices. I would hope that they will eventually become more at ease with scientific devices…while there is some small chance of injury, my inventions have proven to be more beneficial than harmful to our group…on balance.

The revitalization chamber will be perhaps be the best way to convince my fellow troubleshooters of the invaluable benefit of new science. I would hope that they could see the incredible results that have brought a growing number of victims back from the precipice of the abyss…and most recently, brought the unfortunate traveler in Shan Fan back from the dead. From the most recent reports, he has physically recovered to an astonishing degree…his strength has been described as almost superhuman. Unfortunately, the mental and emotional trauma he experienced was also severe, and the traveler is still struggling to recover his composure and mental capacity (the Chinese healers report bouts of severe depression as well as violent outbursts). I must include their extensive notes in my future experiments with improving the revitalization chamber.

Quotes 8/2/16

Wang Quotes -

(Apparently with the scribe back, the Wang jokes reared up once again, though still no where near what it once was)

First place: Burke (per usual) with 8
Second place: Risa (oh my) with 6
Third place: Tied to Bentley and Dan with 5 each
Fourth place: Another tie to Barry and Evee with 3
Fifth place: Foy (bringing up the rear with Wang jokes, I’m not sure if that’s the safest place to be) with 1 joke

Burke: This is the Martin Sheen version of “winning” (in response to Bentley’s remark about the group ‘winning’)

Bentley – It’s a blowout sale! (said to Wang)

(Barry get’s up to get his order, when he returns a moment later, the entire map has changed to a dramatically new setting)
What?! I wasn’t gone that long!

(the group has the idea to get themselves hired by Kang as bounty hunters)
Dan – All the girls are there? Oh, Kang will hire you, but not as bounty hunters…

Dan – (discussing other possibilities of getting into Kang’s fortress) You can show up with prisoners in tow…
Risa/Maddie – I’m not a prisoner!
Bentley – she’s in denial

Dan – we can wait for the signal…
Foy – (caws like a crow) caw, caw

Bentley – (goes on a long and tireless rant about Shan Fan and Tam) …and we’ll watch his city burn to the ground!
Barry – and his little dog too!

Bentley – Who are you shooting at? (to Burke/DJ)
Burke/DJ – the only guy left…
Evee – … duck Wang

(in a discussion about how Kimi in some ways resembles a Disney Princess)
Evee – well, she is like a Disney Princess
Bentley – Disneyland isn’t too far
Risa – Deadlands Disney!
Barry – she can’t speak English, but she can sing “It’s a Small World”

Burke – (waiting for his initiative) is the professor done?
Dan – Yeah… he’s well done (upon the professor rolling a devastating one on his dice and blowing himself up… again)

Bentley – As you sail away, you hear “we’re warning you”
Foy – (mimicking the man who DJ spoke to in the beginning) I’m still in charge!

Barry/Professor – I can improve your gun… (to Foy/McCloud)
Foy/McCloud – (whimpers to himself)

Burke – (the group is given a few pills known as ‘Greased Lightning’ pills) We take the Greased Lightning pills and break out in song (sings an excerpt from the Greased Lightning song)

Barry/Professor – I’ll just move back here with McCloud (directly after blowing himself up)
Foy/McCloud – O_O Oh no! (Mr. Bill style)

Dan/Wang – We are not afraid of you! (he shouts to the bad guys… as he runs out the door and closes it quickly behind him)

(Okay here’s the quotes from this week, there are a lot of really good ones! See ya’ll tomorrow <3)

Wang's World
Now with even more bare-chestedness!

When the smoke clears at Boswell Island, there are a LOT of corpses of Kang’s henchnmen lying around. Foy/McCloud suggests moving them to spell out a message for Kang (a la the movie Deadpool). Burke suggests the message “Kang sucks!”

After a clever remark by Mattie, Bentley compliments her, “Mattie being the smart, vile creature that she is…”

After another of Wang’s ill-thought out statements of fact Burke and Bentley both pronounce it “The World According to Wang” to which Dan replies, “Wang’s World!” and does the dream sequence hand motions from ‘Wayne’s World”.

Risa fetches a figure for use as “Steamin’ Joe” and Burke suggests we rename it “Steamin’ Joe Pile”

Risa/Mattie declares “Wang’s a crowd pleaser! I shoulda bet on Wang before!”

Foy/McCloud (after being nearly hit) cries, “I’m dyin’ out here!”
Burke/D.J. (D.J. already has THREE wounds herself), “Shaddap!”

Burke and Risa both exhort Foy/McCloud (who is facing an incredibly tough Chinese Ogre) to “Shoot it again!”

Mattie has moved out of the main fighting arena, hopefully to escape the sight of the (now invisible) Chinese Ogre. She is still worried and makes an incredible Notice roll at minus 4 to see it. Right next to where she just ran. Risa/Mattie “Aaaah!”

Wang totally obliterates the Chinese Ogre with one of his shirt buttons (and Chi Magic, and an incredible roll of 37 damage!) and so once again manages to get his shirt off during the fight. Foy/McCloud, “Good job, Wang!”

The Professor in Shan Fan

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 29th day of September in the year 1879, continuing research in colorful Shan Fan:

I must remark that Shan Fan is truly fascinating city, full of epicurean delights, cultural displays and festivals, and surprisingly a great deal of scientific activity. While I do miss my companions, and hope to rejoin them in the near future, it has been fortuitous that I have become acquainted with some brilliant scientific minds here in Shan Fan. Of course, we are routinely reminded of the deadly surroundings and the environs of the Maze, but the tragedies that befall many of the inhabitants of this land provide the spark, the impetus, the inspiration for invention. As was the case in the Collegium, opportunities abound as the few doctors and those with medical acumen are simply overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of the seemingly never-ending stream grievously wounded patients, victims of all sorts of violence or catastrophe. Building upon my previous work, we have made significant scholarly progress in the development of practical medical applications of ghost rock technology.

The unique molecular properties of ghost rock are key to these medical and biological applications. Just as Lucretius posited in the old atomic theory, contemporary scholarly thought has renewed and supported his notions of molecular motion. It is the diffusion property that lies at the core of our current work, as molecular diffusion of the ghost rock has been found to be crucial in the various medical devices.

An unlucky traveler was brought into our facility after suffering extensive injuries from an unnamed source, although I believe the one named Kang was the puppet master behind the curtain. The wounds were grievous, but too precise to be the result of a mundane robbery by common thugs; the violence displayed an almost artful application of deadly force, designed to result in maximum damage while ensuring the victim dangled precariously just on this side of death’s door. The herculean efforts of the expert physicians and apothecaries were not sufficient, and the poor soul was slowly dying before our eyes. Although we were still in the early design phases, I suggested we attempt to employ the revitalization chamber which was calibrated to replicate young Victor’s process. After the successes in the Collegium, I had worked diligently on a grander device, and with the assistance of Socrates completed a working prototype. However, we were still in the early testing phases…we had only successfully experimented on relatively simple wounds thus far. Neither such extensive injuries nor an entire corpus had been restored by the prototype chamber.

With nothing left to lose, we placed the dying traveler into the chamber as his shallow, rasping breath began to fade…


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