Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 8/2/16

Wang Quotes -

(Apparently with the scribe back, the Wang jokes reared up once again, though still no where near what it once was)

First place: Burke (per usual) with 8
Second place: Risa (oh my) with 6
Third place: Tied to Bentley and Dan with 5 each
Fourth place: Another tie to Barry and Evee with 3
Fifth place: Foy (bringing up the rear with Wang jokes, I’m not sure if that’s the safest place to be) with 1 joke

Burke: This is the Martin Sheen version of “winning” (in response to Bentley’s remark about the group ‘winning’)

Bentley – It’s a blowout sale! (said to Wang)

(Barry get’s up to get his order, when he returns a moment later, the entire map has changed to a dramatically new setting)
What?! I wasn’t gone that long!

(the group has the idea to get themselves hired by Kang as bounty hunters)
Dan – All the girls are there? Oh, Kang will hire you, but not as bounty hunters…

Dan – (discussing other possibilities of getting into Kang’s fortress) You can show up with prisoners in tow…
Risa/Maddie – I’m not a prisoner!
Bentley – she’s in denial

Dan – we can wait for the signal…
Foy – (caws like a crow) caw, caw

Bentley – (goes on a long and tireless rant about Shan Fan and Tam) …and we’ll watch his city burn to the ground!
Barry – and his little dog too!

Bentley – Who are you shooting at? (to Burke/DJ)
Burke/DJ – the only guy left…
Evee – … duck Wang

(in a discussion about how Kimi in some ways resembles a Disney Princess)
Evee – well, she is like a Disney Princess
Bentley – Disneyland isn’t too far
Risa – Deadlands Disney!
Barry – she can’t speak English, but she can sing “It’s a Small World”

Burke – (waiting for his initiative) is the professor done?
Dan – Yeah… he’s well done (upon the professor rolling a devastating one on his dice and blowing himself up… again)

Bentley – As you sail away, you hear “we’re warning you”
Foy – (mimicking the man who DJ spoke to in the beginning) I’m still in charge!

Barry/Professor – I can improve your gun… (to Foy/McCloud)
Foy/McCloud – (whimpers to himself)

Burke – (the group is given a few pills known as ‘Greased Lightning’ pills) We take the Greased Lightning pills and break out in song (sings an excerpt from the Greased Lightning song)

Barry/Professor – I’ll just move back here with McCloud (directly after blowing himself up)
Foy/McCloud – O_O Oh no! (Mr. Bill style)

Dan/Wang – We are not afraid of you! (he shouts to the bad guys… as he runs out the door and closes it quickly behind him)

(Okay here’s the quotes from this week, there are a lot of really good ones! See ya’ll tomorrow <3)

Wang's World
Now with even more bare-chestedness!

When the smoke clears at Boswell Island, there are a LOT of corpses of Kang’s henchnmen lying around. Foy/McCloud suggests moving them to spell out a message for Kang (a la the movie Deadpool). Burke suggests the message “Kang sucks!”

After a clever remark by Mattie, Bentley compliments her, “Mattie being the smart, vile creature that she is…”

After another of Wang’s ill-thought out statements of fact Burke and Bentley both pronounce it “The World According to Wang” to which Dan replies, “Wang’s World!” and does the dream sequence hand motions from ‘Wayne’s World”.

Risa fetches a figure for use as “Steamin’ Joe” and Burke suggests we rename it “Steamin’ Joe Pile”

Risa/Mattie declares “Wang’s a crowd pleaser! I shoulda bet on Wang before!”

Foy/McCloud (after being nearly hit) cries, “I’m dyin’ out here!”
Burke/D.J. (D.J. already has THREE wounds herself), “Shaddap!”

Burke and Risa both exhort Foy/McCloud (who is facing an incredibly tough Chinese Ogre) to “Shoot it again!”

Mattie has moved out of the main fighting arena, hopefully to escape the sight of the (now invisible) Chinese Ogre. She is still worried and makes an incredible Notice roll at minus 4 to see it. Right next to where she just ran. Risa/Mattie “Aaaah!”

Wang totally obliterates the Chinese Ogre with one of his shirt buttons (and Chi Magic, and an incredible roll of 37 damage!) and so once again manages to get his shirt off during the fight. Foy/McCloud, “Good job, Wang!”

The Professor in Shan Fan

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 29th day of September in the year 1879, continuing research in colorful Shan Fan:

I must remark that Shan Fan is truly fascinating city, full of epicurean delights, cultural displays and festivals, and surprisingly a great deal of scientific activity. While I do miss my companions, and hope to rejoin them in the near future, it has been fortuitous that I have become acquainted with some brilliant scientific minds here in Shan Fan. Of course, we are routinely reminded of the deadly surroundings and the environs of the Maze, but the tragedies that befall many of the inhabitants of this land provide the spark, the impetus, the inspiration for invention. As was the case in the Collegium, opportunities abound as the few doctors and those with medical acumen are simply overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of the seemingly never-ending stream grievously wounded patients, victims of all sorts of violence or catastrophe. Building upon my previous work, we have made significant scholarly progress in the development of practical medical applications of ghost rock technology.

The unique molecular properties of ghost rock are key to these medical and biological applications. Just as Lucretius posited in the old atomic theory, contemporary scholarly thought has renewed and supported his notions of molecular motion. It is the diffusion property that lies at the core of our current work, as molecular diffusion of the ghost rock has been found to be crucial in the various medical devices.

An unlucky traveler was brought into our facility after suffering extensive injuries from an unnamed source, although I believe the one named Kang was the puppet master behind the curtain. The wounds were grievous, but too precise to be the result of a mundane robbery by common thugs; the violence displayed an almost artful application of deadly force, designed to result in maximum damage while ensuring the victim dangled precariously just on this side of death’s door. The herculean efforts of the expert physicians and apothecaries were not sufficient, and the poor soul was slowly dying before our eyes. Although we were still in the early design phases, I suggested we attempt to employ the revitalization chamber which was calibrated to replicate young Victor’s process. After the successes in the Collegium, I had worked diligently on a grander device, and with the assistance of Socrates completed a working prototype. However, we were still in the early testing phases…we had only successfully experimented on relatively simple wounds thus far. Neither such extensive injuries nor an entire corpus had been restored by the prototype chamber.

With nothing left to lose, we placed the dying traveler into the chamber as his shallow, rasping breath began to fade…

Troubleshooting, err...Wangshooting


Quote of the week:

Risa is counting out squares from Mattie. Bentley asks her, “Who are you shooting at?” Risa/Mattie “I’m throwin’ dynamite!”
All other players, “Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!”

Our Troubleshooters secured Boswell Island and successfully destroyed Kang‘s ironclad The Abysmal Wang held his own in the Shan Fan Kumite, but somehow Mattie still managed to lose $100. Dakota Jo shot trouble, err… Wang twice but fortunately Wang rebounded just fine. McCloud kept his usual cool. Will our heroes successfully sneak into Kang’s Dragon’s Breath fortress and survive their way out? Will they ever get that key from Big Ears Tam? Ride on to find out!

Epic Wang Failure
I'm not just a customer, I'm the president!

Bentley now has a side table he proudly deposits his fate chips and potato chips on and declares “This is the chips table!” Dan points out, “You need some Doritos and Erik Estrada.”

Wang is pleased with his Chinese waiter “disguise”, “I get to carry the FLAMING Pu Pu Platter!”

Mattie/Risa conveniently forgets another fact and declares, “I have self-induced amnesia!”
Dan quips, “And Mattie loses yet another tiny bit of her soul. Or is that another bit of her tiny soul?”

Mattie is trying to read an ancient occult tome so Bentley asks her, “What’s your amnesia score?” Risa,“I forget.”
Burke, “What’s your ignorance score?” Risa, “I don’t know.”
Dan, “What’s your apathy score?” Risa, “I don’t care!”

Bentley declares that during the card game with Big Ears Tam, Mattie must bet something of value, NOT Risa.

Burke devises a cunning plan for defeating the Abysmal. Bentley apparently doesn’t hear him, so when Foy restates the plan, Bentley gives him a Benny much to the confusion of Burke, and the amusement of everybody else.

As our vessel travels to Boswell Island we see we are being followed in the water by a swimming cow. “A sea cow!” Burke/DJ declares.

When we get to the island, at first all we find are the shattered remains of the mining camp, but then Bentley says we see “Fresh footprints” so Dan quips, “Fresh prints of Bel Air!”

Foy says, “This town is a Dead Land!”

Wang tries to convince Kang’s men that we are new recruits sent here to assist them. He rolls snake-eyes on his Persuasion roll. The shooting starts…

Dan/Wang says, “Wang has epically failed. He must commit seppuku. Wait a sec – he’s not gonna do that Japanese shit!”

Dan teases Foy that with an epic fail (snake-eyes) he too can join the- “Wang Club just for men. I’m not just a customer, I’m the president!”

Risa is counting out squares from Mattie. Bentley asks her, “Who are you shooting at?” Risa/Mattie “I’m throwin’ dynamite!”
All other players, “Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!”

Bentley is describing the action of another of Kang’s men, “He’s gonna shoot…” (motions toward the gunslinger figure in front of Wang, who is, as usual, perched atop a tower of wounds already) Risa, “Oh poor Wang!” Bentley (continuing) “…at Mattie.” Risa, “What!”

Foy, “The NPCs have saved us. Now carry us back to the hospital!”

Someone who shall remain nameless “Well, we came out of that just fine!”
The rest of the group “Aaaaahhhh!”

Friends In Deed!

Well, it might not seem like much of a place t’you, ‘specially now, but it seemed worth fightin’ over fer a lot of folks. I heard about it a few months before any trouble started, when it wuz just another rock mesa among countless others in the Great Maze. Ah, but like some others, this one held the promise of a vein o’ that precious, precious ghostrock. People were quite willing to mine it or kill other people for doing the same. Seems like squabbles over ghostrock mines were common all along the crazy canyons and canals of what used t’ be California. That feller Kang may have had an ironclad boat on his side, but we had the Troubleshooters.

The first time the Abysmal “visited” us, it pretty much shot up the town with its cannons, and Kang left a buncha’ his goons ta make sure we didn’t interfere with HIS plans for Boswell Island, so we few survivors spent most of our time hidin’ and tryin’ to scrape by without gettin’ gunned down by his men. Escape from the island wasn’t really an option without a boat. I seen things in the waters around here that could gulp down any feller foolish enough ta try swimmin’. We had some food and ammo stashed away, but it wa’nt gonna last, so a few of the boys and me, we crept up to the remains of our shanties ta see what we could scrounge up there. We found a whole lot more than we bargained for.

Cletus saw the smoke first, it looked like another vessel wuz anchored next to the island, so we crept up ta see what new varmints we would have to avoid. Not much surprise when we spotted the first fellow of the group, another Oriental type, no doubt yet another one o’ Kang’s lackeys, proud as a peacock, but certainly not dressed as well. He didn’t even have a gun on him that we could see!

The rest of the group sure didn’t look like the regular hired guns we had gotten used to avoidin’. Oh, the man in black was definitely a gunslinger, but he walked with precise step and his steely eyes glanced around fer danger everywhere. Then there was another rifle-slinger type, but she, SHE, seemed to take in one glance how many hidin’ places there were in the wreckage. It seemed like she saw me and my boys for an instant and then coolly kept on walkin’. There wuz another woman, or I should probably say a proper lady. She walked with an even more delicate step than any of the others, like even though she was walking on rough ground ta her it was smooth carpeted floor under her heels. Cool green eyes, raven black hair and a creamy complexion that was quite a contrast to the trailblazed face of the other woman.

So the two leader-types, the new one and the old, started conversatin’ in Chinese. At least, that whut I figgered it ta be, coz I certain couldn’t make heads or tails of it. They were havin’ some heated discussion, with the new feller mentioning Kang a couple a times. So it seemed fer a moment we were certainly done in. With these new recruits, Kang’s men could certainly comb the island and find us all and then either put us ta work for him minin’ the ghost rock WE had claim to, or just toss us in the river ta be eaten by some a’ those nasty water-critters or jus’ torn apart by some of those big brutish THINGS Kang’s boys had with ‘em.

But then, everything changed in just a moment. Whetever the new feller was tryin’ ta sell, Kang’s boys weren’t buyin’ it, and suddenly the shootin’ started. Maybe it wuz that old “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” bit. Maybe it wuz because the rifle totin’ gal had obviously seen us but kept quiet-like. Or maybe, just maybe, what we saw in the new arrivals didn’t match up with the evil men who were gunnin’ against us. We saw hope out of our troubles, so we started shooting Kang’s boys too!

Down in Quarrytown

Quote of the game: something Foy probably said that Evee had written down

Our “Troubleshooters” made it to Quarrytown after a brief encounter with a giant Maze Alligator. They rescued young Palmer Watson and found more lightning bolt glyphs. Back to Shan Fan with a plan to reclaim the lost key to the Explorers Society Vault. Will Wang get to keep his day job? How will Mattie fare at the Jade Dragon? Ride on to find out!

Prof. Oglethorpe's journal - observations and research

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 4th day of September in the year 1879, continuing travels with my intrepid companions:

It has been some time since I have taken time to put quill to paper in order to record the events of our extraordinary adventures, let alone some of the very promising results of my ongoing explorations of ghost rock properties and applications. We have braved some of the most treacherous denizens of what is colloquially known as “the Maze”…put simply, the shattered remnants of what was once the beautiful California coast destroyed by an incredible seismic event that left in its wake a labyrinth of unpredictable waterways and unstable mesas and rocky outcroppings.

It was upon an island in the midst of this chaotic and scarred landscape we came upon a most intriguing excavation site. Local rumors whispered warnings of curses and black magic, a sentiment not surprisingly echoed by Wang. It was clear to me, however, the seemingly “magical” effect of the unfortunate prospector was due to a prolonged exposure to an enormous amount of ghost rock. Likewise, the “demon” we encountered and eventually vanquished was transformed by, and drew its power from, the abundant deposits of the mineral. Once we had prevailed in combat, and returned to the poor prospector, it was too late as the “magical” life sustaining effects ceased as the connection to the ghost rock deposit was severed.

Once again, I observed Wang perform some truly incredible martial maneuvers, nearly outmatching our ghost rock-fueled foe…nearly. He once again suffered a life-threatening wound, and fortunately the skilled healing hands our Lakota companion brought him back from death’s door as even as he looked into the abyss his fear of technological progress was so great that he refused the healing invigoration of the vitality glove. It is my hope that my companions will one day see that scientific and technological progress should not be feared so blindly as it can be a great boon in our quest to combat these threats. Despite our philosophical differences on matters arcane and scientific, we are united in purpose that the forces we have faced thus far have evil intent and must be stopped for the good of all mankind.

As we traveled on to Shan Fan after our encounter, I was inspired to begin work on a device I hoped would emulate Wang’s abilities, and thus make myself less inviting target. Of course, the process was not without setbacks, but no irreparable damage was done to the engine room or the ship itself. My automaton assistant functioned admirably, extinguishing the fire before it could spread to the outer hull or the engine, thus avoiding tragedy. In any event, the end result is a device that should have the intended effect, but field testing is yet to be conducted which will provide vital data on any additional adjustments that may be required.

Labyrinthine Ways
A-Maze-ing Ways

Honored Uncle,
I am most honored to have been gifted a map to part of the Great Maze. It shall undoubtedly be a worthy asset to me and my fellow “Troubleshooters” as we traverse the labyrinthine ways of the remnants of the California coastline. I have been reviewing my poor performance in some recent adventures and must resolve myself to better my combat effectiveness. It has only been through the efforts of my comrades that I have not suffered death or worse at the hands of some of our foes. My respect for them increases as I steel myself for the greater challenges that surely lie ahead. It has been, at times, difficult for me to accept aid in my affairs. But even long ago back in China, when I was a lone child rescued from the shattered remnants of the Shaolin temple, I have relied upon the helpful attentions of others and hope to someday repay those who have aided me. Thank you again uncle, and blessings of the ancestors come to you.

Got it! The Amulet of Set

Quote of the game:

Foy – (upon entering the room) Where’s Evee? (sitting right in front of you…)
Barry – Just look for the back hair (thanks for that Burke)

Our heroes took out the Wailing Doom and claimed the The Amulet of Setfrom Ox, the half-ogre half-human. Back in Shan Fan, the gang was inducted into the Explorer’s Society and got a lead on the killer Pete “Longtooth” Swindon. Will they make it to Quarrytown in time to save young Palmer Watson? Will they reclaim the key to the Explorer’s Society vault? Ride on to find out!


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