Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 8/14/16

(Another day, and the Wang jokes continue to crawl through…)

1st Place: (Holding tight to his lead) Burke with 13 jokes
Tied for 2nd place: Barry and (finally stepping into the light) Foy with 7 jokes
3rd Place: Bentley with 5 jokes
4th Place: (covering the rear) Evee with 3 jokes

Foy – (upon entering the room) Where’s Evee? (sitting right in front of you…)
Barry – Just look for the back hair (thanks for that Burke)

(We were encouraged to add to the character wiki, but…)
Bentley – You just can’t make stuff up
Foy – Sure, I do it with my diary all the time
Barry – (with a smile) we know

(There seemed to be a bit of a malfunction with last weeks post, turns out the culprit was a single emoji entered by yours truly. Cue the onslaught of millennial insults)
Evee – I’m not a millennial! (I maintain that I am a Y Gen, NOT a millennial)
Everyone Else – Uh huh…

Bentley – (while going over the posts from the obsidian portal) Kimi had a rather intense dream…
Foy/McCloud – Oh, really? Was Wang in it?
Burke/DJ – Need a cigarette, suga’?

Foy/McCloud – (In response to the innuendo surrounding Evee/Kimi’s dream) I’m gonna write that in my dream journal… (catches the dirty look thrown at him from Evee/Kimi) what? You can’t judge…
Evee/Kimi – Oh, I can… and do
Foy – … fair enough (conceding)

Evee – (In response to Burke making one of his rolls, sarcastically) Because you’re SO much better than the rest of us…
Burke – (with complete confidence) You’re right, I am better than you
Evee – And so modest to boot
Burke – I am humble

Bentley – (coming upon the sheriff of Shan Fan) He’s whittling his duck
Evee – (who was only somewhat listening, I’ll admit it) Wait, he’s doing what to his duck?

(Another fantastic day, I hope you enjoy the quotes. See ya’ll in two weeks!)

Kimi's Dream

(As the group travels on the ship, they are given the opportunity to sleep, this is what Kimi saw as she slept)
As Kimi’s breathing slows and her body relaxes, darkness takes over her mind’s image. Quiet and inviting, she enjoys the silence for just a moment before slowly a light begins to invade. The light grows stronger and stronger as a figure immerges from the blackness. The figure appears small at first, as it approaches from a distance, but the closer it gets, the more it’s mass is known. Kimi recognizes the figure at once, waiting for the immense proud animal to step closer before she kneels, bowing her head in respect. Before her stood a massive dark grey, almost black wolf, with kind, yet wise golden eyes. “Father… I had hopes I might see you tonight” The wolf steps closer, snuffling against her cheek lovingly. She chuckles a little, wrapping her arms around the animal’s neck, kissing the top of his head before standing again, squaring off against the wolf, her father. It blinked at her slowly before sitting back on it’s haunches, allowing a sigh to escape his long muzzle “you do keep yourself busy, little one” the voice coming from the wolf was gruff, but strong, commanding respect without trying. One of many reasons attributing to his place as the tribe’s Chief.

Kimi’s eyes brimmed with tears as she looked upon the massive creature, her father’s spirit within “I do not understand why you have me traveling with such a strange crew… doing things that you know our people would never allow. It makes no sense.” her eyes burn with defiance. She wanted nothing more than to turn back and find her way back home, but she knew that there was a reason behind him sending her here, even if she did not yet know it. “Patience, my daughter, you will soon understand your chosen path in life… why it has been you chosen for something so vital… so life altering. You have yet to see your significance, but it will come, of this I am sure.” his eyes crinkled a bit as the corners of his maw turned upwards in a proud smile. “As for your traveling companions, their purpose will become apparent soon… they are just as significant. You must continue with them. Help them as best you can, and bestow your wisdom upon them… as I know you can.” Kimi sighs, her eyes falling “you do not understand what it is like. They do not understand me, they will not listen. I am too young, too different and they… I do not trust them all. There is a witch amongst us that delves in the darkest of arts and a man who relies solely on the evils of this world. I have been forced upon those same evils more than once father, and if I do not return home soon, then I will continue to betray the spirit of our ancestors, they will grow angry with me for defying my oath”.

The wolf takes a great step forward, and Kimi kneels so that he can place his massive head against hers “the spirits realize that changes are afoot and they are aware of the importance that these changes come… they will be patient with you, my daughter… the same as you are learning to be patient with me. Learn from your companions, be willing to accept their differences and remember to keep your head. You do not have to agree with their ways, but realize that you’ve been brought together for a reason. There is a greater plan, the spirits have foretold.”

A noise is heard, echoing about, a female, it sounds familiar. The darkness and the wolf wane, turning into what looks like a reflection in the water. Kimi gasps and glances around before turning back to the wolf “wait… no!” she moved towards him, but he backs up “I’ll be watching” was his last echoing words as the world around her swirls as the voice penetrates her unconscious again. In another second she’s awake with pirates surrounding them.

Quotes 8/7/16


1st place: (to nobody’s surprise) Burke with 20 jokes
2nd place: (to EVERYBODY’S surprise) Risa with 11 jokes
Tied for 3rd place: Bentley and Barry with 8 jokes each
4th place: (and not too proud of it) Evee with 7 jokes
Tied for 5th place: Foy and Dan with 6 jokes each

(Hmm, looks like the Wang jokes might finally be winding down?)

Risa/Maddie – She smells like a horse! (referring to DJ)
Burke/DJ – Unlike smelling like a whore (Burn to Maddie)
Everyone’s reaction – Oh!

Bentley/Random NPC – Are you from Australia?
Risa/Maddie – No, I’m from Virginia
Burke/DJ – Yeah, she’s from that Virginian coven

Bentley – Have you met Joe Semen?
Whole Group – Semen?!
Bentley – Steamin’ I meant Steamin’!
Burke – Semen, meet Wang

Evee – (after several extremely snarky comments from Burke/DJ) Ouch! You’re a mean girl, aren’t you?

Evee – No, he’s got a templet (talking about Barry and his machine’s attack)
Burke – (mocking) Oh, no, he’s got a templet!
Whole Group – (with variations) Drop the templet and step back, slowly!

Risa/Maddie – My name is not Witchy Poo

Bentley – (after several really bad puns, get’s a little sympathy from the scribe and group) Pity Quote

Dan/Wang – (deciding to take it upon himself to translate for Kimi, though he barely speaks English much better than she Chewbaca said it was safe… (while Kimi cries out desperately in Sioux to get them to stop)

Bentley – Wang spoke Chop Suey

Bentley – This might be a good idea.
Risa – To run

Dan/Wang – Dakota Jones, we meet again

Whole Group begins chanting ‘Wang’ while he takes on a giant monster

Bentley – Do you have a clear shot?
Burke/DJ – Sure.
Foy/McCloud – Yeah, only Wang’s in your way
Burke/Dj – See, no significant importance

Quotes 07/31/16

In true style… the Wang jokes continue
WAY too many to write, but no worries, this scribe kept an accurate count.

1st place: With 46 jokes Burke
2nd: With 23 jokes Barry
3rd: With 15 jokes Bentley
(somehow appropriate that the three B’s know how to make Wang funny ;D)
Tied for 3rd: also with 15 jokes Foy
4th: With 14 jokes Dan
5th place: With slight shame and 13 jokes Evee
6th and last place: With 11 jokes Risa

Oh yeah, these also include: Bone( r ), and that’s what she said (courtesy of Burke and Dan what a surprise xD)

Risa: Now we can make all the same Wang jokes with riding… (upon Wang having to learn how to ride a horse >.>)

Foy: (to the scribe) No, don’t write that! I’ll give you a Benny…

Bentley: several random puns

Risa/Maddie: (to Foy) I didn’t read your diary, suga’ did (pointing to DJ)
Foy/McCloud: I can’t wait ’til you get all Blaire Witch on us!

Dan/Wang: Okay Legalass (in regards to Kimi’s awesome shooting)

Barry: I got a Wang joke.
Burke: I know, we saw it on the bathroom wall.

Burke: I know, you’ve been getting gang banged over there (to Wang)

Evee: (when its suggested that she use her bennys to heal some NPC’s) We need to save those for us.

(upon meeting a particularly rude bellboy)
Barry/Morty: I’d like to know, do they sell this outfit in the adults section?
Burke/DJ: I want one for my monkey
Dan/Wang: With a tin cup

Risa/Maddie: I’ve had to get myself out of sticky situations…
Burke and Bentley: That’s a Wang joke!
Risa: No, it has nothing to do with Wang
(oh boy’s your mind always on one thing)

Burke: so, his bone is growing (upon being attacked by a nasty growing bone)

Foy/McCloud: I’m just asking for one stray bullet

Risa/Maddie: Big bones don’t scare you (to Kimi having made a guts check)

Burke/DJ: How many rings do you have?
Bentley/Lacey: Just one
Foy/McCloud: … I’ll take it (holding his hand out expectedly)

(and here’s this weeks quotes, one hand cramp later! Enjoy!)

Returning to Shan Fan, get it? :)

Honored Uncle,
By now Hellstromme may have won the Great Rail Wars. I am sure we will hear about it soon enough. But we got to see firsthand the kind of “leadership” that rules in the City of Lost Angels. We were searching for Mattie’s uncle while the fighting outside of town consumed most of the Guardian Angels’ attention, since Mr. O’Malley had informed us that he might have been captured in a boarding house in the city.

As we journeyed through the city it was apparent that the Rev. Grimme was not as charitable as thought to be. He considers himself above the petty laws of the state and has even gone so far as to establish his own martial enforcement in the city, with poor consequences for those living there. We tried freeing some of his prisoners who all were beaten and extremely malnourished, but we had to contend with literally dozens of his “officers” whilst doing so. In the end we were victorious in taking down a great number of them, but alas, our search for Jimmy James came to naught, for the rooms he had rented had been abandoned.

Mr. O’Malley suggested we visit (of all places!) Shan Fan to look for a British gentleman who may have further leads for us. So, I rejoice to leave this foul city behind and journey back to see once more the beloved King Dragon restaurant. May your blessings be endless and good fortune shine upon you until I see you again!

Dear Diary 2
Chinese Takeout!!!

I’m beginning to ponder that riding trains is a dangerous form of travel, TWICE we were attacked, but this time…China men! Luckily for my group, they had me to protect them, as I started shooting, taking out the big guys, but the little guys, move like Wang. Wangs to the left of me, Wangs to the right, last thing that any young man would want to face, being surrounded by Wangs, especially if your in prison. Between you and me what I did in prison was survival…SURVIVAL!!! As I was finishing the rest off, the wacky professor finally showed up, turning on his arm contraption and the whole thing blew up, almost taking half the passenger car! After the heaping smoke of ghost rock thinned out, HE WAS ALIVE! He didn’t look to good tho, a thousand mommy kisses couldn’t fix that. I am exhausted, cant wait to hit the nearest town and find a saloon and drink some liquid courage, and also find some female companionship <wink> <wink> (Bentley, you need to do me a solid and hook me up, a romantic one night stand, if you know what I’m talking about). Luckily for me, there was a newspaper reporter who will print my courageous exploits and increase my fame! Thanks for listening Diary, hugs and kisses, Love Thomas xoxxooXX

The Professor in Hellstromme's expedition

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 17th day of July in the year 1879, at the site of the wreckage of the Denver-Pacific train:

In the aftermath of the chaos of the attack by the indigenous warriors and subsequent deadly crash of our means of transportation, my newfound travelling companions and I began to investigate the cause of the derailment. It was not long before we discovered an intriguing revelation, the cause was not an explosion as was initially postulated, rather the catastrophic failure of the support structures of a heretofore unknown underground railway was the source. It appears that this line ran along a parallel course just below the Denver-Pacific track. While the others openly questioned the origin, I silently considered who would be capable of such an undertaking and the answer became blatantly obvious. I tried to conceal my excitement, although I must admit the possibility of meeting such an intellect made me feel as giddy as a schoolboy. My hopeful hypothesis was confirmed as we explored the underground railway, and we came upon the Wasatch operation with none other than the illustrious Darius Hellstromme leading the expedition.

There were a plethora of incredible automatons performing a wide range of functions, perhaps the most impressive of which was the sentry possessing sensory abilities as well as an array of weaponry. Its effectiveness was clearly demonstrated through interactions with unknown individuals such as myself and my companions. It was clear that a differential logic processing was at work as it did not simply start firing at us as we rounded the corner—which would be the response of most contemporary automated armaments. It recognized we were unknown, but it also recognized we were not hostile, and responded appropriately. Of course, the most extraordinary device was the tunneling machine. Piloted by a single technician, this automated tunneler dug through earth and rock, ground the minerals into a suitable gravel bed, and reinforced the ceiling with uniformly spaced roof bolts. Truly an inspired design. However, an unfortunate attack by creatures drawn by the sounds of the machinery, and likely the wafting ghost rock dust, brought the operation to a standstill temporarily.

The Professor on the Denver-Pacific rails

Prof. Mordecai Erasmus Oglethorpe, the 11th day of July in the year 1879, aboard a westbound Denver-Pacific railcar:

I found myself among quite an interesting assemblage of personalities this day, a testament to the greatness of this land. Of particular note, I was somewhat taken aback to see an aboriginal woman, dressed in the traditional regalia of the plains nations no less, riding as a passenger. I overheard her introduce herself to another passenger as Kimimela (a poor attempt to phonetically spell her Lakota name). If memory serves, I believe her name means “butterfly”, and her traditional beadwork was certainly as colorful and intricate as any Lepidoptera. As I recall my limited grasp of her indigenous language, I am reminded of the gifted young man who was my linguistic tutor. A brilliant young medical student named Charles Eastman, known as Ohiyesa among his family and the Santee, taught me some of the basics of his native language during some of our talks in Boston. I do believe that young Charles will become a great healer and physician, bridging modern medicine with the traditional practices of his people.

The gentleman with which the young Indian woman was conversing appeared to come from the Middle Kingdom, as I am told the pictographic symbols of their language describes China. However, after a few moments of observation, I altered my original assessment of the gentleman as a likely inhabitant of Fan Shan due to his apparent familiarity and level of comfort with our surroundings.

Speaking of western surroundings, a young woman by the name of Dakota Jo looked as if she walked right out of the pages of a Kit Carson dime novel, veritably covered in reddish brown traildust. Toward the opposite end of the railcar, a man clad in black kept to himself, which was probably for the best as he looked prone to violence at the slightest provocation. Of course, I must admit my judgment prejudiced by the presence of his gun belt and his dour demeanor.

The last occupant was a pleasant surprise, literally a rose in the desert you might say. Matilda James displayed the grace and poise of a woman raised in polite society, although the influence of the dangerous and decadent West could be seen as she introduced herself as “Mattie”. I was able to strike up a pleasant conversation with this refined and educated young woman, and I extolled the virtues of this miraculous new element known colloquially as “ghost rock”. She nodded politely, as she indulged this overzealous scholar prattling on about his inventions and theories. Fortunately, an opportunity presented itself….forgive me, let me rephrase that…we were beset by attackers and UNFORTUNATELY a number of people were killed or grievously wounded. However, it was fortunate in that I was able to utilize the healing properties of my device to save lives thereby demonstrating the effectiveness of ghost rock in medical applications.

Quotes 7/17/16

(Once again, an onslaught of Wang jokes fill the afternoon, to no one’s surprise, Burke starts us off)
Burke – We’ll never get the wang out of our systems (upon discussing the possibility of not telling anymore wang jokes)

Risa – (in another attempt to change the topic from wang) … let’s make some McCloud jokes instead.
Foy – … or not!

Barry – (discussing how the jokes got started in our first game) Oh yeah, that’s when the wang beating started.

Burke – Stop moving that wang!

Foy – Should put that on google (talking about Dan’s character, Wang, along with his picture)
Barry – Search “picture of wang”
Dan – Oh, I’m sure plenty of things will come up. Thousands of images.

Risa/Mattie – Wanna play some cards?
Dan/Wang – … sure!
Everyone else – -snickers knowingly-

Dan/Wang – I’ll bet you one sticky rice ball
Risa/Mattie – I don’t want your balls!
Burke/DJ – Nobody wants Wang’s sticky balls

(After just a few moments of silent travel, the group is once again attacked, this time, by the Chinese…)
Foy – Me no love you long time no more! (going off the joke that Wang’s relatives are attacking)

Risa/Mattie – That’s my line… suga (looks to Burke/DJ pointedly)

Evee/Kimi – Once again, Wang’s in the wrong place at the wrong time…

Evee – (upon having to move Dan’s figure about the train, once again) why am I the one who has to keep touching Wang?

(As the day goes on, the Wang jokes continue mercilessly… the scribe, tired of writing them all gets the brilliant idea to simply keep a tally for everybody who makes a Wang joke… here are the results, thus far… Keep in mind, these tally’s were for the last half hour of the game ONLY)

1st Place: Barry with 22 Wang jokes
2nd Place: Bentley with 20 Wang jokes
3rd Place: Burke with 15 Wang jokes
4th Place: Dan with 11 Wang jokes
5th Place: Foy with 9 Wang jokes
and tying for last place: Evee and Risa with only 3 Wang jokes each…

Hmm seems the boys know how to play with their Wang jokes…

(Those are the quotes for the week, hope you enjoyed them!! See you guys next week – Evee)

More from Wang
The Usual Suspects

Honored Uncle,
It seems as though that dastard Darius Hellstromme may win the Rail Wars after all. His infernal “mole-machine” was very successful in bringing his Wasatch railhead near to the city of Lost Angels. Since it ran underground it was not detected until he broke through to the surface.
I played a little bit of cards with Mattie and she was quite adept with them. I can now understand why she has a dangerous life here in the West, where card-playing can lead to gunplay. And so it was! As we compared our cards, agents of the Iron Dragon beset us. Though they succeeded in damaging the rail car carrying Hellstromme, he escaped unscathed.
Such was not the case with all of my new acquaintances. Dakota Jo nearly lost her life to a most grievous gunshot wound but Kimi was able to save her, I assume by calling upon the mystic spirits of her people, for the wound was deep and Jo bled a great deal. Our worthy Professor unsurprisingly managed to nearly destroy himself with his gizmo. Also unsurprisingly, he immediately vowed not only to repair it, but to create yet another! During the gunfight, McCloud shot at a most monstrous opponent, a creature of myth and legends, only to find that his ammo failed him several times until at last the monster fell.
Perhaps the mayor the city we are near will see the eeevil intentions of Hellstromme and not allow him to continue, I have heard he is a holy man himself. But I feel that malevolent forces have already taken hold here and will be a constant source of even more dangerous times.
Respectfully yours,
Wang Cheung


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