Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 10/29

Bentley – I need one of those dinosaurs to squeeze and move things
Cid – I must not be as old as you… I’ve never squeezed a dinosaur

Evee – I vote for the shaft!
… That’s a quote in itself

Well at least this time no one got… The shaft… Hahaha
I’m pumped…
What else do you do with the shaft

Evee – There i healed him
Cid – Come, touch the leg with us…
McCloud – Hey not that leg!
Evee – That’s wishful thinking McCloud

Bentley – So are we going to Tijuano?
McCloud – Yes!
Burke – What are you expecting to happen?

McCloud – We need to do the strange
Clint – I can’t understand you when you talk like that…
McCloud – You need a better hearing aid
Clint – Oh i can hear you… I just don’t understand

Bentley – You can help your self to jerky
(To McCloud) You can jerk as much as you want
McCloud – i could do that for free
Bentley – but this is quality…

Quotes 10/16

(Burke plays the shaft)
Foy – me on the way to work
Bentley – You go to work I your black leather jacket?
Cid – And a black leather apron

Evee – I could get a bunch of rats to help me
Foy – Oh like secret of nymph
Evee – i think that’s the wrong movie

Bentley – There seems to be a well or a shaft I the center
Evee – Just can’t stay away from those shafts…
Burke – Bentley likes shafts in his game

Evee – I could be in the barrel…
Cid – … Surprise! Happy birthday!

Burke – You have good persuasion
Cid – D8 + 2
Evee – So you do the talking and don’t let them talk to those two
Foy – Just make sure it’s in Spanish
Cid – Oui

Cid – I’m holding onto my head…
Foy – My ankle!
Evee – Someone forgot how to Spanish…

Bentley – McCloud needs his barrels
Cid – (Cid moves a couple of barrels onto the map)
Burke – There you go, prefect size

Burke – You could just smite the leg and I’ll beat the crap out of him with it… Then i can say “you kicked your own ass”

Quotes 10/15

Evee – (talking about cards) Does this include my extra?
Burke – You get an extra?
Evee – Yeah I’m still being hunted by that woman remember?
Foy – I wanna be hunted by a woman…

Bentley – You see a man run down the shaft
Foy – That sounds like a country song
Barry – (Sings) A man ran down my shaft
Oh god…
Bentley – Hey we keep it pg…
Burke – Since when?
Evee – Tell that to wang

Evee – So is McCloud our caboose
Burke – No i think your wolf is… Somebody has to keep an eye on McCloud
Evee – Every now and then he nips him in the butt
McCloud – Kimi can you get control of your damn dog
Kimi – snickers like muttley

Burke – Once you go McCloud, you’ll never be proud
McCloud – No, no. Don’t write that down

Burke – How many copies of candy land do you need?
Evee – Apparently two
Clint – Enough to give us diabetes

Evee – I could just turn into a bat and give them all rabies…
Bentley – It only takes a couple weeks…
Evee – Isn’t that considered chemical warfare?

Burke – So you going bear
Evee – Yup, I’m going bear
Foy – (McCloud looks excited) let’s see then
Evee – I’m going bear. B-e-a-r. Not bare. B-a-r-e
Foy – Awe


Evee – How many power points do you have
Risa – 15
Evee – Oh then you take it i have more
Risa – Yeah but i can always make a deal with my friends
Evee – Oh yeah, she’s got friends on the other side

Evee – I should totally get points for working in a Disney reference
Burke – What reference
Evee – Friends from the other side from princess and the frog
Dan – Oh no it only counts if it’s a Disney movie that people have seen
Burke – Yeah i don’t think anyone has seen that one

Bentley – You guys hear moaning coming from the bushes
Burke & Dan – It’s McCloud
Cid – Moaning McCloud from Hogwarts
Evee – Awe nobody likes moaning McCloud

Bentley – Are you going to do anything else with the rabbit?
Evee – … Is that a euphemism?

Evee – (talking about running) I was gonna move back but I’m loyal… And i don’t think she’d just ditch McCloud…
Foy – (mimicking McCloud) Okay so I’m gonna shoot while you… Uh… Kimi?(after noticing that Kimi ditched him)

Risa – Zombies in da house! (After zombies attack the house)

Bentley – He’s going to attack
Cid – That’s a she… And tweety is probably close by
Evee – She does look like granny
Cid – She carries a bird cage with a Zombified tweety bird

Bentley – She attacks Wang… (She misses) And spends a Benny
Risa – She really wants Wang…
Burke – Well it’s been awhile for her

Risa – Awe he shot bubbles!
Dan – Bubbles McCloud is shaking
Risa – (sings) Shake shake shake…
Dan – Shaking bubbles

McCloud – Hey it’s my parade
DJ – No it’s not gay pride

(After Kim planning on killing the guy refusing to let them leave… He’s threatened by another group)
Cid – this doesn’t sound right
Burke – Yeah she wouldn’t be Ojai with that
Evee – yeah i don’t suppose we can just let him be killed…

Risa – The man in brown just doesn’t sound intimidating
Evee – No but at least he wore his brown pants
Dan – Yeah he came prepared for the day
Risa – The man in brown sounds more like McCloud

Save Sparkleface!

(While discussing which useful sea creature Kimi should turn herself into)
Risa – You should turn into SpongeBob!
Evee – That seems relatively useless
Bentley – No, we’ll use her to clean the deck!
Foy – I can take a bath with her
All – Eww!
Foy – You’re the one who keeps saying I need to take a bath, you’re the reason that McCloud’s always dirty

Burke – Yeah they can’t stand your axe body spray (to Foy)
Evee – Ugh, axe body spray… You mean ass body spray. That stuff smells awful.

Cid – Tentacles in the port hole
Burke – Is that a euphemism for something?

Dan – McCloud did the coolest thing last time, he dives off the ship backwards while shooting both pistols!
Foy – Yeah, with a rope tied around his ankle…
Dan – Yeah, it was really cool…
Evee – And of course, Kimi wasn’t there to see it…
Burke – So, she doesn’t believe it happened

(Two bad guys are trying to attack Kimi, who is currently in Shark form)
Dan – Those two guys are trying to… jump the shark (buh dum psttt)

(Clint bravely throws himself between the big bad and Maddie, spending a benny to ensure his victory)
Evee – if Cid has a code of honor, he should get a benny for protecting Maddie…
Cid – No, I don’t want it…
Burke – Take the benny! You rarely get benny’s as it is…
Evee – you earned it….
Cid – well, she’s evil, I don’t want to be rewarded for protecting evil
Maddie – Hey! I’m not evil!

Bentley – McCloud, time for you to shine
McCloud – what you talking about? I’ve been shining all night
Cid – Mooning us doesn’t count as shining…
Dan – (singing) moon shine, moon shine

Dan – McClint…
Bentley – isn’t that a thing?
Evee – Yeah, when you smoosh two names together because those people are together…
Foy – That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard… No don’t write that down!
Evee – too late!

Risa – Bubbles McCloud, McCloud’s new nickname!

Evee – wait, so if those two are McClint, are they McWang?
Risa – no, it’s Cloudy Wang
Burke – no, it’s Dick Wang. The name is Wang, Richard Wang.

We need a bigger boat!
Quotes for August 27th

Aboard the Orca our intrepid heroes meet with a salvage captain named William Blumequist and he promptly hires us (somebody let Wang talk for us again!) to provide him some security from some sneaky Channel Chompers. It seems his last crew were not quite up to the task. He needed some fresh meat…
He is using a diving suit to remove precious items from the sunken estate of the late (presumably quite drowned) Richard Harrison.
Wang is in the front deck, McCloud is in the crow’s nest, and Clint? Clint is sleeping below decks.

Dan: Clint sleeps with the fishes!
Bentley: He wakes up with a haddock!

Dan: Which way does McCloud go?
Bentley: Both ways!
Dan: …according to Sparkleface!

Foy makes a crowing noise when we get up.
Bentley: Rooster at sea!
Dan: Chicken of the Sea!

That’s all so far, we got up to some hijinks but saved the best for later (when we would have more personell!

Quotes 8/27/17

Puns –
Burke – you could call it a… Necessity
Evee – you mean like a bear necessity?

McCloud – You brought your ghoul-friends

Evee – You need a horse
Burke – I have a mule
Evee – No… I don’t want a mule, I want a horse
Burke – I don’t have a horse
Dan – I have a horse…
Burke – Of course

Bentley – You have to voluntarily shed your blood on the glyphs
Burke and Dan – (simultaneous) McCloud volunteers his blood
Bentley – If you were anemic you’d get a benny

Bentley – You can’t hold yourself
Foy – I beg to differ

Bentley – He discovers he just can’t do much with Wang
Foy – I hear that’s a common problem with older men

Bentley – okay, so we’re gonna head south to San Diego
Evee – (pushes dramatic button) dun dun duuuuuun
Burke – that’s perfect

Dan – Yeah sorry McCloud I think you might die
Evee – And I’m not going to take it for you, sorry
McCloud – (He cries like a baby)

Quotes 7/30/17

Wang jokes – to the scribes annoyance
Dan – II
Cid – II
Risa – III
Bentley – III
Evee -
Foy – II

Bentley – You’ve done such a good job learning my young niece
Cid – You could go to prison… (everyone looks at him)
Cid – What? We broke him out of prison
Maddie – we’ll meet again…
Burke – yeah at the family reunion/orgy

Bentley – We’re going to the devil’s post pile
Burke – hmm, that sounds like after…
Dan – So, we’re going to the devil’s doo doo?

Maddie – Where’s McCloud?
Burke – Right here
Maddie – McCloud always wants to be in front of Wang
Burke – Well, in front of, under, whatever…

Bentley – You heard that stalks the night…
Maddie – McCloud?
Bentley – No
Maddie – Oh wait, that’s stalks at night

Wang – So, we’re just looking for a native American…
Kimi – Yeah, she looks just like me…
DJ – Yeah, because you all look alike… Just like you all look alike (to Wang)

Cid – Off to the slave trade
Maddie – How much do you think we’d get for McCloud
Wang – We’d have to pay someone to take him
Burke – Yeah, maybe a single shot of cheap whiskey

Bentley – I’ll let you encounter a guard if you want to take him out
Dan – okay
Burke – Yeah, a little dinner, a little dancing, maybe some wine… Take him out, show him a good time

Bentley – You work for who?
DJ – I work for Kang
Evee – Oh, I thought you said Wang
DJ – I may have said Wang
Foy – (as the guard) You work for Wang, why didn’t you say so girl, come in
Dan – Here’s your sign, a shirt that says “I work for Wang”

Bentley – Just ignore the tomahawk and rifle
Cid – And testicals
Bentley – Well… He has long hair
Evee – that sounds sexist

Bentley – did you give them both bear-als
Bentley – it’s a Kodiak moment

Kimi – tell her to get on my back
Dan – you mean bear back(because Kimi turned into a bear)

Risa – That’s the one on the right, now I’m gonna do the one on the left
Dan – Bare right, bear left

Quotes 7/16/17

Burke – You look like you’re eating a mouse… (Evee with cat ears eating licorice)

Evee – I could sneak up and… Cougar it up

Foy – Maybe when he was a kid he fell into the tank at Sea World and got attacked by an squid…
Burke – Eww…
Bentley – that happened when I was a kid
Evee – what? Attacked by a squid?

McCloud – Hey we don’t do that here… Anymore… (talking about slavery)
Maddie – Except maybe to Indians…
Kimi – …
McCloud – She said it first!
DJ – Well Indians have magic, so even then… Not really
Kimi – this is why she’s my favorite… (points to DJ)

McCloud – Uh Kimi… You gonna cougar it up any time soon?
Kimi – I thought you said you could handle it? I was letting you do your thing.
McCloud – yeah, my thing needs help…
Kimi – Fine… I guess I’ll cougar it up

Maddie – You should meow at them like a cat
Evee – They look and instead of a tiny cat it’s a huge Cougar, who grins at them
Risa – with blood dripping off her teeth

Foy – Your bad guys should start carrying balls of yarn
Burke – Yeah, here kitty kitty

Risa – Screw you
Burke – Just give me something to screw
Bentley – That sounds like a pun
Evee – A dirty pun but yeah
Bentley – For the record I didn’t do it… For once

Quotes 7/23/17

Foy – McCloud’s still on his horse…
Evee – Awe, get off of sparkleface.

Bentley – we can’t own the meet up without inviting Dan first
Cid – yeah, just type out “deadlands, full to Dan”

Evee – (to Bentleys bad guy, El Heffe) doesn’t that mean “the cow”
Burke – no, that’s El Heffer, his name is El Heffe

(the group is told they’re all starving)
Cid – don’t we have a cook?
Burke – oh yeah! Wait, where’s sparkleface?
Evee -McCloud’s in the background going "sparkleface! Here, sparkleface! "

(an actual child can be heard screaming from upstairs)
Burke – the graveyard is full of banshees…
Foy – maybe McCloud’s just seen where we were
Cid – McCloud, let her go!

(the last at the counter calls out Barbara)
Cid – of, that’s me
Evee – wait, what? Do you have a secret?
Cid – no, I just use a woman’s name when I’m ordering a salad

Foy – wearing assless chaps…
Burke – well, chaps are by definition assless or they’d be pants
Foy – well that way you don’t think I have a chapped ass

(rolls a 30 to turn into a hawk)
Evee – oh, I am such an awesome hawk, I’ve got golden feathers
Bentley – alright, so hawk it up
Evee – that sounds kinda gross

Evee – we could just attack and get the fight over with…
McCloud – … I’ll be in the ship
Evee – so brave McCloud

Evee – I’m gonna give you guys the finger and…
(entire group starts laughing)
Cid – screw you guys I’m going home

Bentley – of course they both scream being attacked by a bird Cougar…
Evee – bird Cougar? So… A bougar?
Burke – no, a cird
Evee – that’s not better
Burke – it’s not supposed to be
Bentley – maybe it’s a cougird

Cid – you can’t take sleep…
Evee – Awe… Wait, it’s called slumber!
Cid – no… Still not…
Evee – Awe, but… I want it
Cid – pray to your weird gods
Evee – Hey, those are my people!
Cid – Is that why you wander around with a dog?
Evee – he’s a wolf… And that’s my father
Cid – … That explains a lot

Evee – is there anyone else up there?
Bentley – McCloud…
Evee -oh… Tempting
Burke – "oops, in so sorry McCloud, I got lost in the blood lust

Foy – how many balls does the canon have
Risa – he only has one ball
Burke – so does the canon…


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