Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 3/26/17

Burke – (talking about McCloud’s unmentionables) well, if it’s Bionic, then wouldn’t it glow in dark? A little mini glow stick
Bentley – like a light saber, or a very light saber

Burke – (to Evee) is your dog still alive? Is moon moon still around?
Evee – Damn it moon moon!

Bentley – a pack of wolves is devouring a cow in the heard
Burke – how could you let this happen (to Kimi)
Barry – control your family!
Evee – I don’t control the wolves

Bentley – well it looks like your straw (talking to Burke) is in his cup (to Foy)
Burke – … it is
Evee – he’s grumbly because I don’t want to use his straw… I have a germ thing
Bentley – so what you’re saying, is you care what she sucks? Huh Foy?
Foy – huh? How did I get into this?

Burke – we could just handcuff the cows feet so they can’t walk
Bentley – First you kill the poor wolves, now you’re antagonizing the cows… when will it end
Burke – I don’t know, when will this campaigne end?

Evee – we could just put a fake cow out there…
Professor – we could dress McCloud up as a cow!
Burke – Moo for us! You can do better than that
Foy – what happens if a bull comes a long?
Burke – That’s the true meaning of ‘cow poke’

Evee – a bird ran into me… like a real bird when I just walked outside
Bentley – well it is the duck and decanter
Barry – what kind of bird was it?
Evee – a sparrow
Barry – well see, then it’s not welcome here, this isn’t the sparrow and decantor
Bentley – It will forever be known as ’Broken Sparrow"

Evee – (to Burke) see, some men can explode twice… (to Bentley’s dice roll)
Burke – well apparently Bentley can
Bentley – apparently I can what?
Evee – nothing! Nevermind. Don’t tell him
Burke – well I can tell him if you want…
Evee – no! That’s okay
Bentley – well I am just a natural…
Burke – Evee thought it was funny that you exploded twice…
Bentley – I don’t get it…

Barry – McCloud looked like he needed some nuts…
Burke – to replace the ones he lost

Bentley – who are you, hop off Casady?
Evee – oh my god, really?!

Bentley – Marshall Tate
Barry – Tate?
Burke – Like tator tots

Evee – All he managed to do was spread all the bad guys around so it’s going to be harder for us to kill them…
Bentley – And now they’re all in cover
Evee -(sarcasm)…Thank you professor
Bentley – Now we have seperation anxiety…

Bentley – Evee gets a wound
Evee – I soaked, it’s my turn (moves closer, just inside of short range) I don’t like being shot (shoots him with 22 points of damage)

View
The Professor's Musings on Victor's Work

As we continue our journey, my mind is drawn back to invigorating conversations of the past. My young friend Victor, that brilliant surgeon and scientist, had made some revolutionary advances in the understanding of biology. His passion, the driving force of his indefatigable determination, was to discover the secret to piercing the veil between life and death. He maintained death was not the inevitable end of existence, but a state that could be reversed provided the proper application of biological and chemical compounds. These compounds are known to us, as the existing foundation of scientific knowledge has chronicled the finest details of human anatomy. However, the illusive key to the process of revivification is what Victor referred to simply as “the Spark”. We spent many nights discussing and debating theories for successfully igniting that spark through a process that would fan the flames of life.

My thoughts wander through these memories, the landscape through which we travel serving as reminders of Victor’s brilliance and vision. The corpses that seem to pile up in our wake regardless of where we go provide an ample supply of potential test subjects. I will endeavor to continue these inquiries with the hope of finding the secret of the spark.

View
Quotes 3/12/17

Here’s the Quotes

Risa/Maddie – I only have a D4-2 in clairvoyance
Evee/Kimi – Yeah, me too… wel, I could justask the spirits, I have a D8 in that
Risa/Maddie – Yeah, me to… I have a D8 in that
Evee/Kimi – …well, kind of. I talk to spirits, you trade with demons

Evee – (to Burke as he throws the wolf’s figure out) don’t throw him
Burke – Eh, he’s plastic
Evee – you’re gonna kill him before he gets the chance to die for me

Foy/McCloud – I’m sorry, am I wearing a shirt that says “rapist” on it?
Risa/Maddie – yeah, it says “the rapist” as in “therapist”
(Trust him, he’s a Doctor)

BurkeDJ – Howdy Suga’
Bentley/Mr. Fisher – Who you callin’ suga’?
Burke/DJ – well, it wasn’t the mouse in ya’ pocket
Evee/Kimi – squeak squeak
Bentley/Mr Fisher – I ain’t got no mouse in ma’ pocket
Burke/DJ – I’m sure Mrs. Fisher is sorry to hear that

Risa/Maddie – Don’t you see my beautiful green eyes? (flutters her eyes at him)
Bentley/Mr. Fisher – that’s the color of vile

Bentley – What in the devil’s name are you doing running into me?
Foy/McCloud – well, I know the devil’s name… It’s Maddie
Risa/Maddie – No, that’s my boss… not me

Foy/McCloud – Leave my horse out of this
Risa/Maddie – your horse got you into this…
Burke/DJ – maybe if you wren’t getting into your horse…
Evee/Kimi – yeah… wait.. eww!

In a random, yet funny turn of events Mccloud gets his… “unmentionables” shot off… and Kimi, being the only healer has to put humpty dumpty back together… much to her utmost disgust…

Sid/Clint – So he dies (talking about McCloud) and comes back as a harrowed with his unmentionables missing.

Risa/Madde – where’s the professor, let him heal it
Sid/Clint – Then he’ll be radioactive
Burke/DJ – like the bionic man
Evee/Kimi – or a cyborg…

Foy/McCloud – Wang where are you when I need you?!
Burke/DJ – it’s rolling away from you…
Risa/Maddie – Kimi’s got it

Sid/Clint – (Realizing that Kimi is only 17) You know what, would you only know your own anatomy? So, you’re going to make it look just like yours?

Bentley – At least you got cover…
Foy/McCloud – Bullshit! I got my dick shot off hiding behind a barrel!

Foy/McCloud – Im’ make the face of a guy who just had his wi-wi shot off…
Sid/Clint – it’s not a ‘wi-wi’ anymore, now it’s just a ‘wi’

Bentley – your indian name shall be…
Evee/Kimi – man with no junk…
Sid/Clint – Broken Arrow

Burke/DJ – I’ve shot crooked Marshalls before…
Bentley – Talk to McCloud about crooked

(I look forward to you reading these ones out loud Bentley) – Evee

View
Quotes 2/26/17

Quotes 2/26/17

Evee – so that’s how Sparkleface got his name… (in realization)
Professor – Yes, we should call animal protective services

(the group talks about Risa missing)
Evee – well I miss her
Bentley – I’ll tell her that
Evee – I’m stuck here with a bunch of boys…
Bentley – so you’re saying that you miss her, because of us?
Evee – … if you want to give yourself that much credit

Evee – Look McCloud, they’re pitching a tent too
Burke – Except their’s is straight
Evee – and bigger… more magnificent

Professor – so the dynamite is sweating?
Evee – so don’t let him take that…
Burke – well whose most likely to explode, and he’s sitting on a pile of dynamite, there won’t be any peices of him left to find
Evee – oh… then let him take it

Professor – McCloud didn’t have his pants on last game, you didn’t give him a hard time
Evee – oh, we gave him a hard time
McCloud – yeah you did
Burke – the Cowhands gave him a hard time. They know how to handle his cow.

Burke – it’s gesticulating all over you, you’re right next to it… (in reference to the damage that DJ just did)

Bentley – I don’t get it…
Evee – you don’t want to
Burke – he might want some
Bentley – What are you talking about?
Evee – I maintain, you don’t want to know

Evee/Kimi – hmm… I guess the dog could do something…
Bentley – It’s a wolf. (since Evee is always correcting him about calling it a dog)

Professor – so how many is that? (talking about how many wolves Kimi has gone through)
Kimi – uh… I don’t remember
Burke – they have hashtags on what number they are

Burke – you go first Kimi
Evee – about time
McCloud – yeah with all that great damage you’ve been doing (sarcastically)
Evee – hey, be nice to me
Burke – yeah, she knows where you sleep

Foy (after dropping the dice) it wasn’t me, it was the table
Bentley – that’s what the doctor said…

McCloud admits to being a tranny… (this actually happened)

View
Quotes 2/19/17

(After explaining to Bentley what shipping meant)
Burke – It’s Benisa…
Evee – You’ve been shipped
Burke – (In gangsta style) Yo, yo, yo!

Cid/Clint – We have the cowhands…
Evee/Kimi – Are you sure they aren’t busy with McCloud?

Evee/Kimi – (referring to McCloud) and he’s asleep… useless thing

(Upon running into a couple of vampires, the group figures out how to deal with them)
Eve/Kimi – of course, the professor wants to talk with it
Burke/DJ – he want to… interview with the vampire (sorry, but this pun was actually funny)

Foy/McCloud – so just make sure you don’t get any of his blood on me
Evee/Kimi – It’s okay McCloud, splatter happens

Foy/McCloud – I know how to pitch a tent…
Barry – is that why it’s always crooked?

Foy/McCloud – Gently!
Evee/Kimi – yeah, don’t land on the tent, you’ll bend it
Foy/McCloud – exactly, it’s delicate

Evee/Kimi – where have you been keeping those guns?
Barry/Professor – Sparkleface says you don’t want to know…
Burke/DJ – meaning Sparkleface knows…
Bentley – Anyone ever wonder if that’s how Sparkleface got his name?

Foy/McCloud – (to Cid, trying to get blessed) quick, touch me! In a really inappropriate way…
Evee/Kimi – and the priest slowly backs away

Foy/McCloud – we could just cross streams
Bentley – except it’s not your turn
Cid/Clint – he’s premature…

(The group tries to talk McCloud into shooting the vampire in front of Kimi, his argument being that he wouldn’t have noticed the one in front of Kimi… thanks to the professor who literally dropped him right in front of her >.<) />s never been able to make her scream…

(The tribe welcomes Kimi back, allowing her to redeem herself with the tribe, earning the name, Demon on Fire, instead of the shameful, Back to Tribe. The group then decides what name they shall give to McCloud, who fought the battle with no pants on)
Bentley – You will forever be known as; Nausea to Tribe
Burke/DJ – I thought it would be Whistles with Winds
Bentley – No, you will be know as; Dance with Self
Burke/DJ – His name is now; Free Willy

(Typed all on my new laptop, which I will be bringing to the game to make it SO much easier to keep up with quotes! See you guys soon – Evee)

View
Quotes 2/12/17

(Okay, so I had this whole thing written out last night but then something happened and I lost the whole thing, so here I go, again… in a highly annoyed fashion)

(In reference to his adventure cards)
Foy – Can’t use those cards, neither one are good for me
Evee – (looking at his cards, he has the device malfunctions card) This says device, not body part, you’re safe.
Burke – this is deadlands, some body parts might be devices
Evee – hmm, McCloud, do you have a secret?

(Kimi talks about who to bring with her to go talk with the Sioux tribe and ask for safe passage)
Evee/KImi – (to DJ) well, you’d be the least controversial to come with me
Burke/DJ – …I don’t know
Evee/Kimi – From what we have to choose from…
Burke – Oh, that was a stealth slam, you didn’t see it coming and most didn’t hear it

Evee/Kimi – I don’t want McCloud watching with me
Barry/Professor – don’t worry, you aren’t McCloud’s type… just ask the cow hands

Evee – (rolling a notice for redshirt cowboys) the cowboys made it
Barry – the professor is distracted (upon failing his roll)
Foy – So is McCloud (also failing his roll)
Burke – hmm, with each other?
Evee – well, the professor did say I wasn’t McClouds type. He just wants me to stay away from his man.

Burke – Where’s McCloud’s gun?
Cid – The Professor has it…

Bentley – (talking about the men ambushing the party) it is dark, and they are under cover
Cid – They’re under our covers?! They are really stealthy

(The professor shoots off a few bolts, directly over the sleeping Clint, who wakes up)
Bentley – you wake up and see the green light of God and the Professor standing above you… Welcome to the church of Oglethorpe

McCloud – I was busy marking my territory
Evee/Kimi – with your horse?
McCloud – Not on my horse… sicko

Burke – If you two were shipped, would it be McKimi?

Cid – (talking about McCloud’s questionable relationship with his horse) He likes to write his own fanfiction (hmm… Friendship is magic?)
Evee – That’s really what he keeps in his journal.

(Take two completed…)

View
Quotes 1/29/17

(Barry and Dan make a come back, and Barry talks about his character needing two more dementias for his character)
Dan – … hold that thought
Sid – or lack there of

Bentley – is there an echo in here?
Burke – … what?
Bentley – is there an echo in here?

Dan coming back meant that once again, the group was overrun by Wang jokes… the scribe, not wanting to have to write them all down, kept a tally.

WANG JOKES:
Burke – 24
Barry – 11
Evee – 8
Dan – 4
Foy and Sid – 1 each

Dan – (after Evee’s complaint about the return of the Wang) I blame myself
Burke – yeah, we blame you too

Dan – it’s not easy being green
Evee/Kimi – or light brown in your case
Dan/Wang – or red in your case

Bentley – did everyone make their spirit role? (Affirmative)
Burke – we’ve got spirit
Entire group – Yes we do! (very pep rally ish)

Sid/Clint – (to Kimi/Evee) Don’t you usually get diseases from McCloud?
Evee/Kimi – We went over this last week, only in his dreams…

Evee/Kimi – McCloud’s on fire today (in regards to his high rolling)
Sid/Clint – you wish
Evee/Kimi – No… not at all

A group of men hold the train our group rides on for money. Most of them are dispatched quickly, and the final two run away, leaving one standing there literally holding the bag)
Bentely – he’s left holding the bag
Burke/DJ – hmm… so, how much money do you have? (shoes on the other foot)

Burke/DJ – (to Kimi) Maybe you can get a group rate with the Professor to see a therapist…
Evee/Kimi – (with complete sincerity) No way! That Professor is crazy!
Everyone – (laughs)

Bentley – so, this sounds like a dramatic task for the Professor
Everyone – (groans)

Bentley – (trying to get the Professor to do something stupid) you’ll remember this for the rest of your life…
Evee – Which would only last for another two minutes…

Bentley – we need a quote with Sparkleface in it (talking about McCloud’s horse)
Foy/McCloud – Friendship is magic! (as the train explodes into a million pieces… or would have)

Evee – (both Sid and Evee make a cooperative role) We both exploded
Burke – yes, the had a magic moment once their hands touch… do you two need a cigarette?

View
Quotes 1/28/17

(the professor informs the GM of 2 more dementias)
Bentley- (to Barry) hold that thought
Sid – or lack there of…

Bentley – is there an echo in here?
Burke/DJ – …what?
Bentley – is there an echo in here?

Wang makes a triumphant return… Along with his jokes. The tally marks return.

Burke – 24
Barry – 11
Evee – 8
Dan – 5
Bentley – 3
Sid – 1
Foy – 1

Dan – (taking responsibility for the return of the Wang… Jokes) I blame myself
Burke – we blame you too

Dan -it’s not easy being green
Evee – or light brown in your case
Dan – or red in your case

Bentley – did everyone make their spirit role?
Burke – we got spirit!
Everyone – yes we do!

(Kimi has to make a vigor role to keep from getting diseased)
Sid – don’t you usually get diseases from McCloud? (to Evee, who is offended at this accusation)
Evee – we went over this last week, only in his dreams

Evee – McCloud’s on fire today…
Sid – you wish…
Evee – not really

(the train the group is on is invaded again by train robbers, one of which is holding a bag to collect money. Two of the men run away)
Bentley – he’s left holding the bag…
Burke/DJ – hmm… How much money do YOU have?

Burke/DJ – (to Kimi) maybe you can get a group rate with the professor to see a therapist…
Evee/kimi – No, the professor is crazy!
Everybody laughs

Bentley – so this sounds like a dramatic task from the professor…
Everybody else – groans

Bentley – you’ll remember this for the rest of your life
Evee – which is only the next 2 minutes

Bentley – we need a quote with sparkleface
Foy – friendship is magic! explosion

Foy – you’re not sparkleface, get away from me!
Barry – he’s a one horse man

Evee – we both exploded (her and Sid)
Burke – yeah their hands touched and they had a magic moment. Do you two need a cigarette?

View
Quotes 1/22/17

Bentley – make a fear check at -4
Evee – minus 4?!
Bentley – well, it’s a big demon
Evee – shouldn’t we get a bonus, we hang out with Maddie…

Burke – (after developing a phobia of the demon) anyone in their right mind, excluding Maddie, would be afraid of a demon.

(after failing his guts check against the demon, the wolf runs and hides behind Maddie)
DJ – shouldn’t you be hiding behind your daughter?
Kimi – you’re making better roles than me
DJ – oh yeah, I’m actually competent.
Kimi – hey!

Burke – (realizing he shot the wrong thing) oh yeah, I was supposed to shoot that guy. Sorry, my demon phobia took over.
Evee – he should get a benny for that
Bentley – if he had said it during his turn I would have
Evee – but it’s funnier that he said it now…

Evee – well, she likes DJ…
Foy – but fancies McCloud
Evee/Kimi – only in your dreams McCloud
Foy – so he wins either way! It’s only a matter of time…

McCloud – I could just dump holy water and then give him a hug
Burke – go for it…
Evee – show him a lesson
Sid – he’s got practice from pouring oil all over himself
McCloud – only this time it’s free
Evee – you mean you won’t have to pay this time?

Evee – we keep forgetting about size
Bentley – well size matters
Evee – yeah, but McCloud might disagree with that…

Sid – you could shoot the gun through the holy water, that way it splashes all over
Evee – yeah, but then it would splash him and McCloud would be burning
Burke – and if Maddie was around, she’d be burning
McCloud – everyone would be burning
Evee – … Except me
Burke – and me…

Evee – yeah, he took it
Burke – just like McCloud…

McCloud – we could uber horses
Burke – sure, dial them up

Bentley – you might be able to get some townfolk on your side
Sid – so we’re going to riot the townsfolk!

McCloud – it’s the sand people
Burke – (makes sand people noises)
Bentley – (to Sid) see what I have to deal with?
Burke – (to Sid) yeah, start helping!

Bentley – (after shooting and missing) that was a warning shot…
Sid – (shoots and kills the guy) that’s my warning shot…

McCloud – Awe, you’re wounded too?
Burke – yeah but he’s not whining about it…
Sid – and I lost an arm (after the figure actually lost an arm)

View
Quotes 1/15/17

Foy is pouting because of the heavy McCloud bashing from the week before
Bentley – You could wind up with a happy ending McCloud…

Foy/McCloud – (in response to crowding Evee with his stuff) I’ll put my junk anywhere I want!

Foy/McCloud – Oh no, you’re on fire. Quick, take off your clothes! (to Kimi… more attempts)
Evee/Kimi – That’s your solution to everything
Burke/DJ – Only when it comes to you

Risa/Maddie – (to Foy returning from getting a drink) You left and you decided to take your clothes off
Foy/McCloud – That’s a great bonus for everyone
Burke/DJ – No, we’re all blinded
Evee/Kimi – Everybody, make a guts check
Burke/DJ – Can I choose to fail and vomit?

Bentley – (in an attempt to attack McCloud) Double ones, it stalls
Foy/McCloud – He can’t handle McCloud’s awesomeness!

Bentley – Kimi suffers 9 damage
Foy/McCloud – Watch out Kimi! (he says a beat too late)
Evee/Kimi – … thanks for the warning, it’s great having McCloud behind my back
Burke/DJ – More like on your back… like a monkey
Evee/Kimi – or a dog

Bentley – You hit him, and your knife begins to glow red
Burke/DJ – … and starts to melt, burning your arm, setting him on fire! (In response to McCloud causing damage)

Bentley – (trying to decide on who to attack) He’ll attack Kimi if he makes his smarts roll… which he didn’t, so he’ll attack McCloud.
Foy/McCloud – wait, what?
Evee/Kimi – yeah, he’s not smart enough to go after the real threat apparently…

Evee/Kimi – I’m gonna whack him…
Burke/DJ – She already got to second base?
Risa/Maddie – yeah, with a tomahawk
Burke/DJ – …ouch

McCloud hits the monster with a raise and does a whopping five damage.
Evee/Kimi – you tickled him, he goes ‘tee hee’ and decides your no longer worth his time.

Bentley – (upon returning to the town, McCloud winds up in the store where a horde of bees were last seen) Because of your amazing fortitude…
Burke – and manly body odor…
Bentley – You manage to escape the bees

Bentley – you see something bound in leather
Risa/Maddie – Leather?
Evee/Kimi – (Sarcastically) can you tell if it’ll fit Maddie?

Bentley – they reach under their robes and pull out clubs
Evee/Kimi – what else are they hiding under their robes?
Burke/DJ – he already told you, their clubs…

(hope everyone enjoys the quotes, see you tomorrow!)

View

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.