Valley of the Sun - Deadlands


Bentley – It’s the ring masters wife
Cid – Did you pull off the mask
Evee – It’s old man Jenkins?!

Burke – Is there a big knocker on the door
Evee – Some big knockers answer the door…
Bentley – McCloud will be the judge of that?
Evee – That knocker big enough for you McCloud?

Bentley – You feel like it’s coming from this area… (Points to a barrel)
Evee – McCloud go check out the barrel…
Burke – Yeah McCloud knows all about barrels
Cid – In and out..

Bentley – You open the door to an evil clown with claws
Cid – I’m going to stab him with my bayonet (rolls 34 points off damage)
Bentley – Yeah he’s dead
Evee – Somebody really doesn’t like clowns
Burke – The door opens and he lets out a high pitch squeal
Cid – That’s probably how I would actually react

Bentley – It’s your standard ghouls in a clown suit
Cid – Ghouls in a clown suit… Two cents?

Bentley and Foy – Stop clowning around!

Evee – Next week we’re gonna wonder why we have so many clown jokes… McClown…

Cid – I’m gonna cast barrier
Bentley – You’re gonna keep the clowns in the closet?
Cid – Yeah I’m clown shaming

Evee – You’ve got the clown… I’m not gonna do that
Bentley – You don’t hear that everyday

Quotes 03/25

Bentley – She comes up crying with get head down and hood up…
Evee – What you do to her (to McCloud)?
Cid – What I always do…

Foy – I just want to tell you ladies… Don’t be jealous. There’s plenty of McCloud to go around
Evee – I’ll be sure to let sparkleface know that…

Bentley – She sees sparkleface and says “this ones pretty can I ride this one”
McCloud – No…
Evee – Only McCloud knows how to ride her right
Cid – He’s got a special saddle

Foy – We can just put him in a dress… Burke – Here’s the bearded lady
Evee – He’s still wearing his coon cap
Cid – I’m just a bearded man..
Burke – In a dress

Cid – Cake and eggs
Evee – Cake and eggs? Yum
Foy -  Maybe if you were pregnant
Burke – … Are you pregnant? (To McCloud)
Bentley – Not again…

Quotes 03/18

March 18

Burke – If we couldn’t laugh at bad jokes…
Bentley – Yeah… Hey!

Burke – Give them some hand… (McCloud shoots a look at Burke) Isn’t it the right hand of McCloud?
Bentley – More like the wrong hand

Bentley – Just remember that
Foy – Remember what?
Bentley – Remember what you said
Foy – What did I say?
Bentley – You should know
Burke – How is he supposed to remember if you don’t tell him.
Evee – he already forgot

Evee – I’m waiting for her to turn into a creature from blade 3
Burke – Yeah she’ll want to reward you… Chomp
Foy – …Kimi. I need you to heal me again…

Burke – The dead doesn’t run very fast
Foy – Hey…
Evee – Don’t talk about his girlfriend that way
Foy – That’s right
Burke – Yeah… Necrophile. Does she rattle when you…
Foy – It just sounds like you’re jealous
Evee – Sparkleface is going to be…

Quotes 02/18

Bentley – You hear whimpering in the corner
Cid – Stop whimpering McCloud

Bentley – The Dragon snaps at you and misses
Burke – Lucky him… The Dragon I mean
Evee – Yeah he probably tastes awful

Burke – McCloud stop shaking the dragons!

Foy – don’t write that down!
Evee – You can’t blame me for the choices you guy make
Bentley – write that down

Cid – It’s not that big
Evee – That’s what she said

Cid – Clint knows how to ignore women
Everyone – Ohhh
Cid – Zing!

Evee – (to Cid) Hopefully he gets the idea
Cid – These cultists are getting naked!
Burke – McCloud is like “About time!”
Foy – This is my kind of cult

Cid – I wanna go for a ride!
Never ending story! (Sings)

Evee – So his name is Balthor
Foy – No it’s Sparkletail

Quotes 02/11

Bentley – Okay… And this guy…
Cid – Explodes

Bentley – Roll a notice at minus 4
Foy – No… That’s a critical failure
Burke – We peak in at McCloud and he’s flailed out and snoring

Bentley – You wake up being strangled
Burke – That’s not the first time

Cid – I cast barrier
Burke – Ooh. So he summons a bear…
Evee – Suddenly I start disappearing and reappear with Cid as a bear… Wha?

Burke – Go ahead lick that wall
Evee & Foy – Eww
Burke – It’s like Willy wanka
Evee – It tastes like scnozberries

Foy – I’m going to pull out my pistol (makes zipper noise) zzzz
Evee – Hey that’s not your pistol put that away!
Burke – It’s more like a deringer

Foy – I’m gonna finish this guy off…
(Burke snickers)
Foy – With the right hand of McCloud

Evee – Oh he shot prematurely…
Cid – McCloud recognizes that move
Bentley – Sounds like a McCloud move
Burke – McCloud is teaching all the bad guys

Foy – I’m gonna go join the other group
Evee – Nah you’d miss us…
Bentley – He comes back three minutes later… “They sent me back”

Quotes 02/06


Evee – I’m not writing bull cheese down…
Bentley – That’s a quote! Now you have to… The irony

Bentley – He says hello back in broken English
Evee – So he says herro?

Cid – I could play the critically fail card
But you helped me succeed
(Sarcastically demonstrating a critical failure) I’m sneaking in I’m sneaking in I made it!

Bentley – (to Clint) Your persuasion has gone down
Burke – I’m not sure what that’ll do…
Evee – Suddenly you’re just a little less likable… He just grew a wart on his face
Burke – No now he sounds like Mickey Mouse

Foy – Everybody’s about to get the right hand of McCloud
Evee – Eww..
Burke – You hear everybody unzipping
Evee – You washed that hand right? Eww why is it all sticky?

Foy – Now prepare for my left hand
Evee – Eww…
Burke – Using both hands tonight
Foy – My left hand was better than my right

Evee – I’m going to attack him since he hurt him
Burke – They hurt your Clint! They abused your Clint!
Evee – I’m just being loyal

Bentley – You see what looks like a worm on deck
Burke – Oh I thought it was McCloud…
Evee – If McCloud looks like a worm there’s something wrong

Foy – He eats the food… He wakes up a little later tied down and naked “aww not again”
Evee – No he thinks this is his favorite dream but after awhile he realizes the girls would be here by now

Quotes 01/28

Burke – I said funny stuff you just don’t write that down
Evee – It’s usually one offs and I don’t right those down
Bentley – McCloud knows all about one offs
Foy – That’s right… Wait…

Burke – So we find guns and
Evee – Roses
Burke – Did you just say roses?
Evee – Yeah you know guns and Roses… Like the band
Bentley – I’m going to roll to determine my reaction to your joke…. (Rolls badly)
Burke – He’s crying

Bentley – You hear a kid…
Evee – Oh my gosh there’s a kid
Burke – That’s not a kid… That’s McCloud

Burke – We don’t want new horses I like my horse, I know she wants her horse (points to Kimi) and we all know how much he loves his horse (McCloud)
(Foy looks at Evee)
Evee – What I didn’t say it
Foy – But you were thinking it

Bentley – Make sure there’s no funny business
Cid – McCloud no funny business?
Evee – McCloud is funny business
Bentley – I didn’t say that…
Evee – No I did
Foy – Look she’s proud… I don’t know why

Evee – (about Cid) Okay my turn, I’m assuming he gets off
Burke – I don’t know, did you?
Evee – Oh… Oops… He dismounts… No that’s worst… He’s over there!

Evee – So we’re going?
Burke – Yeah
Evee – Howsie
Burke – What did you just say?
Evee – Nothing…
Burke – You said something
Evee – I said horsie…
Cid – That’s not what I heard…
Burke – Me either
Bentley – Wait what she say?
Evee – I said horsie but without the r like howsie..
Burke – Yeah sure… She’s excited for something to happen in the next town…
Cid – Or she’s talking about another animal

Evee – I’m legendary. I can turn into a Dragon now… Literally
Cid – … No…
Evee – Well not literally like in real life
Cid – (Flapping) I’m a Dragon
Evee – Apparently I don’t know what literally means
Burke – I don’t think that word means what you think it means


(Not a lot this week… I know)

McCloud – What fun is in the devils armpit
Evee – McCloud would know

Evee – (McCloud) I’m gonna start calling you quagmire… Giggidy
Cid – … Goo

Bentley – He’s the only one who’s legendary
Cid – Yeah it is the McCloud show. He’s got a legendary reputation and a mythical weapon…
Foy – And a great horse
Cid – That’s why your legendary…
Evee – Wrong legend

Evee – Go constrain him McCloud
Foy – Mmmm

Quotes 01/07

Quotes 01/07

Foy – One more point and I’m legendary
Bentley – Assuming you don’t lose points
Foy – Wait are there negative points?
Evee – For you McCloud… Yes.

(Talking about how to get into Kong)
Bentley – (to Cid)What are you going to do?
Foy – Flash him?
Bentley – No, that’s what McCloud would do.

Bentley – Have you ever had general Tsaos bison bits?
Burke – That’s not technically Chinese
Bentley – Well the history is not our own
Cid – So now it’s general kangs bison bits

Burke – We show up at the insane asylum and they all just dog pile on top of him (points to McCloud)
Cid – At least this time he has his pants on

Evee – Awe can’t we just leave McCloud in there?
Foy – No you can’t just leave McCloud in there…
Evee – Well I suppose Cid is in there… And he’s useful

Bentley – The door slams shut behind you
Burke – We hear a high pitched scream and McCloud is banging on the door
I didn’t actually hear the door slam…
That’s okay McCloud is panicking enough for both of you

Bentley – These guys have sharp teeth
Evee – Freaking vampires
Foy – Well doctors are blood suckers
Bentley – Those are lawyers
Evee – Says the doctor

Evee – You don’t even know if they would have attacked you
Burke – That’s true
Foy – They were grotesque
Evee – So you’re killing them because they’re ugly?
Foy – Exactly I’m putting them out of they’re misery
Evee – That’s so shallow…
Foy – Duh

Burke – Your boobs need to shine up… Your boobs aren’t shiny enough for Bentley

Evee – We open the door "McCloud where are your pants?
Burke – And he’s a priest

Bentley – McCloud is shining his Bob’s
Burke – And he shot his load the second the doors closed

Quotes 11-6

Bentley – So which one of you is the deputy which one is the Marshall
Kimi – (Points to DJ)
McCloud – Hey…

McCloud – Well i was going to suggest DJ be the Marshall but Kimi just pissed me off
Kimi – Meh that’s not very different

Bentley – Premature election
Burke – You’ve just been waiting to say that haven’t you
Bentley – No it just pops up
Burke – … Early?

Bentley – They cheer for the mayor and his cat…
Cid – Good kitty?
Evee – About time some recognition

Drunk man – Where’s the city hall?
Cid – Through that wall
Drunk man – Okay! (Runs into the wall)

Bentley – Who appointed you as Marshall?
Burke – The mayor (points to Cid)
Bentley – And who appointed you?
Cid – I’d tell you but she’s on lunch


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