Valley of the Sun - Deadlands

Quotes 05/13

Foy – He’s a jerk… He deserves the right hand of McCloud
Bentley – The right hand of McCloud knows a lot about jerks

Bentley – All his two inches…
Burke – Hey it’s not about the size…
Evee – Well… Scientifically you need at least four inches to penetrate
Foy – … What?
Bentley – McClouds like “what I’ve been doing that wrong?”

Bentley – McClouds fortune cookie says:
Sometimes you have to flush the toilet to get rid of the shit

View
Quotes 04/29

Evee – (After reading the quote from Bentley) I didn’t have much to go on last week…
Burke – write that down
Bentley – Hey I get a Benny for the dig
Burke – only if we vote for it

(After rolling a thirteen to hit an ogre)
Burke – If a thirteen doesn’t hot that thing… We’re turning around and going home…

(Evee intimidates the ogre with a mighty roar)
Bentley – Okay so you intimidated… What do you say… Oh I guess you roared. So you’re speaking CATonese.

Burke – Too bad Cid isn’t here because then he could suck his……… Power… Lower the trait

Evee – Dirty man… Go take a bath
Foy – What makes you think I need a bath?
Bentley – The 86 pounds of dust

Bentley – Everyone roll a smarts…
Burke – Oh I got a 16
Evee – I got a 22
Burke – (to McCloud)… What did you get?
Foy – Nothing…
Evee – that’s surprising (sarcastically)

Burke – McCloudy with a chance of rain

Bentley – Kimi trips
Foy – Maybe she was proclaiming her love for McCloud…
Bentley – It wouldn’t take that long

View
Knockers and Pistols
Quotes 04/15

(Asking about the white elephant inn)
Evee – Is it indoor or out?
Bentley – So… Is it outdoor in or indoor out?

Everyone – Touche

(Jokes about making water between Burke, Cid and Evee)

Everyone – touche!

Bentley – Okay. Come any time!
Burke – No that’s him… (Points to McCloud)
Evee – Eww…

Evee – So you cut off his hand?
Foy – Will you lay off my genitalia?
Evee – Is your genitalia in your hand?
Burke – It’s McCloud so probably
Evee – I think eventually he’d get… Grope burn

Foy – Knockers and pistols… That’s the name of this episode

View
Quotes

Bentley – It’s the ring masters wife
Cid – Did you pull off the mask
Evee – It’s old man Jenkins?!

Burke – Is there a big knocker on the door
Evee – Some big knockers answer the door…
Bentley – McCloud will be the judge of that?
Evee – That knocker big enough for you McCloud?

Bentley – You feel like it’s coming from this area… (Points to a barrel)
Evee – McCloud go check out the barrel…
Burke – Yeah McCloud knows all about barrels
Cid – In and out..

Bentley – You open the door to an evil clown with claws
Cid – I’m going to stab him with my bayonet (rolls 34 points off damage)
Bentley – Yeah he’s dead
Evee – Somebody really doesn’t like clowns
Burke – The door opens and he lets out a high pitch squeal
Cid – That’s probably how I would actually react

Bentley – It’s your standard ghouls in a clown suit
Cid – Ghouls in a clown suit… Two cents?

Bentley and Foy – Stop clowning around!

Evee – Next week we’re gonna wonder why we have so many clown jokes… McClown…

Cid – I’m gonna cast barrier
Bentley – You’re gonna keep the clowns in the closet?
Cid – Yeah I’m clown shaming

Evee – You’ve got the clown… I’m not gonna do that
Bentley – You don’t hear that everyday

View
Quotes 03/25

Bentley – She comes up crying with get head down and hood up…
Evee – What you do to her (to McCloud)?
Cid – What I always do…

Foy – I just want to tell you ladies… Don’t be jealous. There’s plenty of McCloud to go around
Evee – I’ll be sure to let sparkleface know that…

Bentley – She sees sparkleface and says “this ones pretty can I ride this one”
McCloud – No…
Evee – Only McCloud knows how to ride her right
Cid – He’s got a special saddle

Foy – We can just put him in a dress… Burke – Here’s the bearded lady
Evee – He’s still wearing his coon cap
Cid – I’m just a bearded man..
Burke – In a dress

Cid – Cake and eggs
Evee – Cake and eggs? Yum
Foy -  Maybe if you were pregnant
Burke – … Are you pregnant? (To McCloud)
Bentley – Not again…

View
Quotes 03/18

March 18

Burke – If we couldn’t laugh at bad jokes…
Bentley – Yeah… Hey!

Burke – Give them some hand… (McCloud shoots a look at Burke) Isn’t it the right hand of McCloud?
Bentley – More like the wrong hand

Bentley – Just remember that
Foy – Remember what?
Bentley – Remember what you said
Foy – What did I say?
Bentley – You should know
Burke – How is he supposed to remember if you don’t tell him.
Evee – he already forgot

Evee – I’m waiting for her to turn into a creature from blade 3
Burke – Yeah she’ll want to reward you… Chomp
Foy – …Kimi. I need you to heal me again…

Burke – The dead doesn’t run very fast
Foy – Hey…
Evee – Don’t talk about his girlfriend that way
Foy – That’s right
Burke – Yeah… Necrophile. Does she rattle when you…
Foy – It just sounds like you’re jealous
Evee – Sparkleface is going to be…

View
Quotes 02/18

Bentley – You hear whimpering in the corner
Cid – Stop whimpering McCloud

Bentley – The Dragon snaps at you and misses
Burke – Lucky him… The Dragon I mean
Evee – Yeah he probably tastes awful

Burke – McCloud stop shaking the dragons!

Foy – don’t write that down!
Evee – You can’t blame me for the choices you guy make
Bentley – write that down

Cid – It’s not that big
Evee – That’s what she said

Cid – Clint knows how to ignore women
Everyone – Ohhh
Cid – Zing!

Evee – (to Cid) Hopefully he gets the idea
Cid – These cultists are getting naked!
Burke – McCloud is like “About time!”
Foy – This is my kind of cult

Cid – I wanna go for a ride!
Never ending story! (Sings)

Evee – So his name is Balthor
Foy – No it’s Sparkletail

View
Quotes 02/11

Bentley – Okay… And this guy…
Cid – Explodes

Bentley – Roll a notice at minus 4
Foy – No… That’s a critical failure
Burke – We peak in at McCloud and he’s flailed out and snoring

Bentley – You wake up being strangled
Burke – That’s not the first time

Cid – I cast barrier
Burke – Ooh. So he summons a bear…
Evee – Suddenly I start disappearing and reappear with Cid as a bear… Wha?

Burke – Go ahead lick that wall
Evee & Foy – Eww
Burke – It’s like Willy wanka
Evee – It tastes like scnozberries

Foy – I’m going to pull out my pistol (makes zipper noise) zzzz
Evee – Hey that’s not your pistol put that away!
Burke – It’s more like a deringer

Foy – I’m gonna finish this guy off…
(Burke snickers)
Foy – With the right hand of McCloud

Evee – Oh he shot prematurely…
Cid – McCloud recognizes that move
Bentley – Sounds like a McCloud move
Burke – McCloud is teaching all the bad guys

Foy – I’m gonna go join the other group
Evee – Nah you’d miss us…
Bentley – He comes back three minutes later… “They sent me back”

View
Quotes 02/06

02/04

Evee – I’m not writing bull cheese down…
Bentley – That’s a quote! Now you have to… The irony

Bentley – He says hello back in broken English
Evee – So he says herro?

Cid – I could play the critically fail card
But you helped me succeed
(Sarcastically demonstrating a critical failure) I’m sneaking in I’m sneaking in I made it!

Bentley – (to Clint) Your persuasion has gone down
Burke – I’m not sure what that’ll do…
Evee – Suddenly you’re just a little less likable… He just grew a wart on his face
Burke – No now he sounds like Mickey Mouse

Foy – Everybody’s about to get the right hand of McCloud
Evee – Eww..
Burke – You hear everybody unzipping
Evee – You washed that hand right? Eww why is it all sticky?

Foy – Now prepare for my left hand
Evee – Eww…
Burke – Using both hands tonight
Foy – My left hand was better than my right

Evee – I’m going to attack him since he hurt him
Burke – They hurt your Clint! They abused your Clint!
Evee – I’m just being loyal

Bentley – You see what looks like a worm on deck
Burke – Oh I thought it was McCloud…
Evee – If McCloud looks like a worm there’s something wrong

Foy – He eats the food… He wakes up a little later tied down and naked “aww not again”
Evee – No he thinks this is his favorite dream but after awhile he realizes the girls would be here by now

View
Quotes 01/28

Burke – I said funny stuff you just don’t write that down
Evee – It’s usually one offs and I don’t right those down
Bentley – McCloud knows all about one offs
Foy – That’s right… Wait…

Burke – So we find guns and
Evee – Roses
Burke – Did you just say roses?
Evee – Yeah you know guns and Roses… Like the band
Bentley – I’m going to roll to determine my reaction to your joke…. (Rolls badly)
Burke – He’s crying

Bentley – You hear a kid…
Evee – Oh my gosh there’s a kid
Burke – That’s not a kid… That’s McCloud

Burke – We don’t want new horses I like my horse, I know she wants her horse (points to Kimi) and we all know how much he loves his horse (McCloud)
(Foy looks at Evee)
Evee – What I didn’t say it
Foy – But you were thinking it

Bentley – Make sure there’s no funny business
Cid – McCloud no funny business?
Evee – McCloud is funny business
Bentley – I didn’t say that…
Evee – No I did
Foy – Look she’s proud… I don’t know why

Evee – (about Cid) Okay my turn, I’m assuming he gets off
Burke – I don’t know, did you?
Evee – Oh… Oops… He dismounts… No that’s worst… He’s over there!

Evee – So we’re going?
Burke – Yeah
Evee – Howsie
Burke – What did you just say?
Evee – Nothing…
Burke – You said something
Evee – I said horsie…
Cid – That’s not what I heard…
Burke – Me either
Bentley – Wait what she say?
Evee – I said horsie but without the r like howsie..
Burke – Yeah sure… She’s excited for something to happen in the next town…
Cid – Or she’s talking about another animal

Evee – I’m legendary. I can turn into a Dragon now… Literally
Cid – … No…
Evee – Well not literally like in real life
Cid – (Flapping) I’m a Dragon
Evee – Apparently I don’t know what literally means
Burke – I don’t think that word means what you think it means

View

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.